


Daddy Issues

by SapphireJireman



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: But its the only thing i feel connected to while writing, Child Abuse, F/F, F/M, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I feel bad for writing this, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Parent/Child Incest, Smut, ereri, im sorry, noncon, riren - Freeform, um
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-01-04 23:49:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12178896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireJireman/pseuds/SapphireJireman
Summary: Eren is sexually abused since a very young age, and once his baby sitter, Levi, starts suspecting this, he takes Eren into his custody. And thats where the story begins.





	1. Disclaimer

_ **THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO READ BEFORE YOU CONTINUE THE STORY!!!** _

This story is about a lot of fucked up shit. This is literally worst case scenario in almost every way. If any of these things are happening to you or someone around you (anyone) please contact someone who can help!!

Cutting yourself is not cool! And smoking doesn't make you 'edgelord teen daddy UwU' ! It makes you unhealthy! Please get help from an adult or by the authorities if you are:

Being touched inappropriately   
Having suicidal thoughts   
Hurting yourself on purpose   
Having troubles with addiction   
And so on!

Some of this is from personal experiences and I would be so devastated if any of my readers were to follow in our protagonists foot steps. He is not happy! He hates this life!

If you are having a really tough time right now-- please, give it time. The world is a shit hole and literally everyone hates living in it at points but it's okay! There are ways to improve it and there are people who will and do love you, I promise! If you feel like you have no one to talk to or are feeling helpless and vulnerable IM here! You can message me on this or DM me on instagram (tyrantsky.nyx) or Discord (Agent Fluff #5489) or even Skype (happymeanssad).

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255   
Addiction: 877-226-3111  
Eating Disorders: 844-228-2962   
Selfharm: 877-455-0628   
Depression: 888-640-5174

Do not be afraid of contacting someone. You are worth it. You might be feeling terriable but remember to not make important decisions when your overwhelmed. Take a sec to breath. 

Thank you for reading this disclaimer. Now please enjoy my writing.


	2. Chapter 2

           Eren wiped his cheeks and squeezed his daddy's hand a little tighter as he stared at his mothers casket. A crowed of friends and family surrounded him and his dad. Beautiful flowers surrounded the smooth wood as it lowered down into the ground. 

           A quiet sob racked his small body. He had been crying for weeks. The day he went to see his mother in the hospital, as he had been doing for months since she had been in a awful plane crash, she held his hand and smiled at him, making his stomach sink. She stared into his owlish eyes and spoke to him in a small, wheezy voice, telling him she loved him with everything she had. She handed him a key, and told him it was the key to her heart. And holding his small hand, let her eyes droop closed until the heart monitor above her flat-lined. 

          Everyone had been coming up to them throughout the ceremony and apologizing for their loss, though most of them also looked sad and regretful. For what, Eren didn't know, but he didn't much care as all he could think of was the fact that he would never get to hold his mother again. Never be able to get a kiss on the cheek before she sent him off to school again. Never would he get to hear her soothing voice sing him to sleep and wake him up gently when it was time for school, or breath in the sweet smell she protruded whenever he fell asleep in her lap when they stayed up past his bed time watching TV. 

           He let go of his fathers hand and instead clutched at his leg hugging it tight as he sobbed into the cloth there. Grisha looked down at his son with pain in his eyes. He patted his hair and let a silent tear slip down his face as he watched the casket get lower and lower, eventually leaving his sight all together. He took one last glance down into the pit before grabbing Eren and holding him in his arms as he started walking away. The young boy screaming and struggling in his grasp, squirmed up to his shoulder, reaching out towards the grave. The spectators keeping their back towards the young boy screaming for his now gone mother. 

           After the funeral, Grisha resented his son. Eren resembled Carla so much and through out the past months, he hasn't been able to look at him without getting angry or sad, so instead, he ignored Eren. Locked himself in the basement. Refused to even look at him, even though he knew Eren needed emotional support through what would probably be the toughest part of his life, he couldn't bring himself to do it. 

          He stared at a picture of the love his life, drinking enough to make a horse drop dead. He would never get to make love to his beautiful wife again. The only woman who ever understood him. The only woman he will ever love. He furrowed his brows and thought back to his son. He looked like Carla. He acted like her sometimes too. 

          He smashed the bottle of liquor down onto his wooden desk, getting up dizzily. He stumbled up the stairs to the main house. His footsteps heavy as he made his way through the dark corridors. He made his way to Erens' room, swinging the door open with force. The light from the hall way made his shadow cast over the small room and over the small boy that was laying in bed, sniffling and wiping his eyes. The small figure turned towards the door where his father stood, looking over at him.

          "D...Daddy? What's wrong?" The small boy asked, slightly scared and confused, able to smell the whiskey on his fathers breath from where he was. 

          Grisha said nothing, instead walking over to the bed, staring down at his son with disgust in his eyes. He reached out and grabbed at Eren's hair. Tugging on it harshly, forcing the boy upward. The brunet grimaced, crying out at the sudden pain. 

           His father threw him back down on the bed, suddenly undoing his belt and unzipping his pants. Eren was still confused. Why was daddy mad at him? Had he done something wrong? What could he do to fix it? He's never acted like this before, what was he going to do? 

          Tears welled up in his eyes as his father pulled down his pants and boxers, letting them pool around his bare feet as his cock started to swell. He grabbed the base and started stroking it. He looked down at his son and smirked. It was a sly, disgusting smirk. Eren wanted nothing more then to run away, but couldn't seem to find the strength in his legs to move. He was like a deer in headlights. 

          Grisha lazily flicked his wrist a few times before his member was at full mass. His eyelids drooped over his eyes as he ordered the boy a simple word. 

"Suck." He shoved his cock towards his son. Eren tried to move his head away. 

          "Daddy, wha-" He tried to question but before he could get it all out, his father was grabbing his hair again, tugging it towards his length.

          "I said suck!" He demanded in a loud tone. Eren was scared and could feel his hands shaking as he opened his mouth and licked at the head of his fathers cock, grimacing at the salty taste of precum that had decided to pearl at the tip. 

          "D-daddy, it doesn't taste good-" he started saying. 

          "I don't give a damn, Eren. Now if I have to tell you to suck it again then your going to have a black eye by the nights end." His father said in a low, warning tone. 

          Eren furrowed his eye brows and did as his father said. That stupid kid from school, Jean, had given him a black eye before and he did not like how it felt one bit. And since he was much smaller then his dad and his father was much stronger then Jean, he was sure he didn't want to have another one of those. 

          Eren swallowed dryly and nodded. He opened his mouth once more, putting his lips to the head. His father hissed in pleasure when his small teeth scraped the head very lightly. His mouth didn't go far until he started coughing, pulling back harshly.

          Grisha looked at him in disappointment. "Finish." He scolded Eren, saying it like he was telling Eren to finish his vegetables like he had so many times before.

          Tears swelled in bright green-teal eyes. Eren shook his head and went back to work, putting his tiny hands on the sides of his dads dick, running them up and down like he had saw his father doing before, putting his mouth on it again. He heard his father grunt above him, putting his hands in his hair again but softly this time.  

          Grisha sighed. In his intoxicated state, he couldn't decipher if what he was doing was right or wrong, he just knew it felt _good._

          After a while of Eren trying his best to please his father like he was told, without warning, Grisha came in the young boys mouth. Eren didn't know what to do other then swallow and let some escape the sides of his lips. Tears were running down his face instead of just swelling in his eyes now. The stuff coming out of his fathers penis did not taste very good but he wasn't going to spit it out either, in fear of what his father might do. 

          Grisha smiled down at his son in satisfaction. He bent down and picked his pants and underwear off the ground and secured them around his waist, turning and leaving a small, scared young boy sitting in his bed, the spaceship sheets now slightly soiled from the cum that had escaped his mouth. 

          He turned when he got to the door, staring at Eren yet looking a bit lost. "Go to sleep now. You have school tomorrow." Eren just stared at him with wide eyes and nodded slowly. Tears were still slipping down his cheeks when Grisha closed the door. He watched as the shadow of his father under the door moved away and down the hall, until the light was suddenly flipped off. Eren sat there, watching the door in horror. What just happened. Daddy just made him cry. Daddy has never made him cry before. 

          His tummy ached at the thought of what just happened. He sat there, his legs on either side of him, the dim dinosaur night-light that needed to be replaced was the only thing that illuminated him. The blue wall paper did nothing to comfort the feeling of dread in Eren's stomach. The same question running through his head like a mantra; What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong?

          Eren slowly crawled over to his pillow, laying his head down slowly and staring up at the glow-in-the-dark sticky stars that were on his ceiling. He pulled the cover up over his shoulders and just stared. He only had that one question, until soon, his mind was flooded with them. 

          What were the kids at school going to think? Did every kid go through this? Well, daddy has never been mean to him before, maybe this was just something that daddys did with their sons. Like throwing around a football or baseball, this was just another one of those. Maybe if mom didn't go bye bye this wouldn't have happened. He didn't blame daddy, he was just frustrated with him. Thoughts like these went through his mind until he looked up at his clock and it was 3 am. He furrowed his brow, his eyes drooping low on his eyes until they were fully closed and his breathing evened out. 

          Eren slept, and even in sleep, his questions floated around in his small head.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          **7 years later**

          "I don't need a babysitter anymore dad!" I sighed exasperatedly from the passangers seat as my father drove me to school. 

         "If you can't even get the fuck out of bed and get on a bus in the morning then how am I suppose to trust you to take care of yourself in other ways?" My father asked, just as exasperated. 

          I had slept through my alarm that morning and missed my bus, forcing myself to wake up my father from in the basement and ask him for a ride to school. I'm in 8th grade now, I'm 13 and just as independent as the next person, but since I don't have a car I still have to have my father drive me everywhere I go, and in payment I'd give my father a blowjob. It was simple and to the point. I know that if I ever did something extra bad, like get in a fist fight at school, my father would "have a talk" with me in his bedroom. So, I try to keep my temper under control and do my best not to upset my father. If Grisha had had more than a few drinks before he threw me in his bedroom, he wouldn't use lube and I just can't handle that sometimes. 

          "But Daaad," I drawled, "I was up late last night finishing my homework." 

          "Then maybe you should do your homework when you get home instead of doing it at the last possible fucking second." Grisha gritted out. I sighed and nodded my head. I learned after a few years that if I swallowed my pride and just agreed with my father when he was in a mood like this, my ass wouldn't hurt as much the next day. 

          Once we pulled up the school, I thanked my father quietly for the ride to school and wished Grisha a good day at work.I got out of the car and walked up the front doors of my middle school and walked inside just before the bell rang. I smiled and walked down a few halls, making a right, a left, then another right, and I was at my locker. I put my bag away quickly and grabbed my books before heading to my classroom, ready to whine about whatever with Armin and Mikasa in my first class. 

          By the last bell, I was dreading going home. I hadn't gotten the best grade on my Science test, my dad was going to be livid. I furrowed my brow before hurriedly throwing the balled up test into the trash, making my way to the buses on the other side of the school, meeting up with Armin and Mikasa at their lockers which were closer to them then mine. 

          "So," Mikasa drawled, "Levi is babysitting you tonight." she smirked devilishly. Levi and Mikasa were cousins that lived together with Mikasa' parents since Levi's died in a freak accident when he was a small boy. I rolled my eyes at her and sighed. 

          "Oh shut it. He's 5 years older then us. I told my dad this morning that I don't need a god damn sitter anymore and he just fucking shrugged me off." I growled out. 

          "Can you blame him?" Armin asked from my left side, his back pack already on his back as we waited for Mikasa to hurry up, "You are kind of irresponsible." 

          "That's bullshit and you know it." I sighed and rubbed my nose. My dad had given me a bloody nose the other night and the dried blood was bothering me. "Oh yeah, isn't Levi moving out soon?" I asked. Mikasa just nodded and finally closed her locker, throwing her backpack over her shoulder. Mikasa and Levi had been close since they were children and Levi moving out didn't really make her want to jump for joy. She enjoyed his company and him moving out was a big step for him and her both. 

          "He already has most of his shit packed up in boxes. The only thing that needs to happen is him actually paying for the apartment, and then he's gone." She sighed with a solemn look. She stared down at her shoes as they walked side by side to the buses. I saw how sad she looked and nudged her in the side, smiling at her. 

          "I mean, he's probably going to babysit for me until I'm an old man or he dies, so if you want to come over when he babysits, you can." I giggled. She just smiled at me and shook her head. 

          "I wouldn't want to take away your alone time with him." She glanced over and smirked at me like the little shit she is. I gaped at her and punched her in the arm playfully, rolling my eyes when she stuck her tongue out at me. 

          We boarded the bus, sitting in our usual seats in the middle part. We talked the whole way home, per usual. Once we finally got off, we went our separate ways. Mikasa and Armin going to the left and me going to the right. Once they were walking away and had turned their backs to me, my eyes immediately dropped. I didn't want to go back home. I walked at a medium speed. If I was home too late then my father would get angry but if I got home to early I would have to face what was coming to me even sooner. I know its normal for dads to hit their kids and do the stuff mine does but I don't know how everyone can be so cheery everyday and keep a smile on at all times. 

          I just sighed. Well, whatever. At least I was going to see Levi tonight. I may not need a babysitter and I would complain about it forever but that didn't mean I wouldn't want it to be anyone other then Levi. 

          Once I stepped foot into the house, I saw a suitcase. Two actually. Confused, I wandered further into the house. I heard voices in the kitchen, a deep voice that had my heart speeding up slightly.

          If you couldn't tell by now, I had a thing for Mikasa's older cousin Levi. He was shorter then me, just by a little bit, always looked angry, but in the sexiest way god damn it. He had black hair and grayish-blue eyes that I honestly am guilty for thinking about when my father was gentler on some nights. He had been my babysitter ever since I could remember. From all those nights he would take care of me when my father was away on a business trip, I would get to see a gentle, caring side of him. I hadn't told anyone about my feelings except Armin and Mikasa, which almost killed me when they thought that hugging me until I couldn't get a single breath in was a good idea. 

          I walked into the kitchen, seeing Levi sitting at the bar-stool and my dad leaned over the counter on the other side. They were talking in hushed tones until my father saw me come in and straightened up, clearing his throat. 

          "Welcome home son, I'm glad you got home safely." he said, like he always does when I get home. I nodded a greeting at him before turning my attention to Levi. He was wearing his leather jacket today, loose black ripped jeans and a band tee of something I had never hear of. I smiled at him and he waved a hand at me. 

          My father cleared his throat again and we both looked over at him, my eyes lingering on Levi a bit too long. "So, Eren," he said cheerfully, "as you already know, I'm going away on business, but my employer called and said that I will be gone for a longer time then usual since I'm going somewhere farther away this time. So, Levi is going to be staying here with you for the week." My eyes widened. For the week? Like, overnight? For a week? Like over night every night for a entire fucking week?

          "Oh, okay." I said, trying to keep my fucking cool. I couldn't let either of the two men in front of me know how fucking excited I was. I started making a list of things we could do for the week in my head. We could go to the movies, and get ice cream, and- wait, dad always has me do something with him at least once every two days. Does Levi do that too? Well, I mean, obviously, but would he want me to do it with him to? My heart palpated at the thought. I pressed my lips into a thin line and nodded at them once, moving away to go to my room. 

          The guest bedroom was right across from mine since it was just me and my dad, that's where Levi always stayed if he slept over. Oh, we could also go to a dog park or something! We were planning on getting a dog when I was little but the thought was never acted on after my mothers death. I shook the thought from my head. Thinking about her death only makes me depressed. I would rather remember all the good times with her rather then the bad. I touched the key that hung from my neck and smiled. She was an amazing woman. 

           I flopped on the bed, my backpack already discarded in the corner. I pulled out my phone and sent Mikasa a text. 

          **[Me - 3:48 pm]** : _Levi is staying at my fucking house for a week apparently._

          I got a reply relatively quickly. 

          **[Quiet Rice Ball - 3:49 pm]** _Yeah my parents just told me. Lmao. Good for you, go get em gurl. :3_

          I rolled my eyes at her before remembering she couldn't see me and shot her a quick text of the eye roll emoji before throwing my phone on the bed and changing out of my school clothes.

          I mean, shit, this wasn't necessarily a bad situation but what if something did go wrong? I would never forgive myself for making Levi hate me. He had stayed at my house over night before but not for a whole fucking week. That was insane. What if's floated in my mind for the next hour that I was fucking around in my room. 

         I thought back to this morning. Oh fuck. What if I had to ask Levi for a ride to school. But wait that wouldn't work because he left for highschool an hour before I leave for the bus. My eyes looked around the room carelessly before I came to the conclusion that I would just have to not miss the fucking bus like a normal person. Also, I should get going on my homework before my dad throws another fit. 

         As soon as I had grabbed it out and sat at the desk next to the door, the knob of the door turned and suddenly my father was staring down at me. 

         I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't more then a bit scared when my dad came into my room. He usually only came in when he wanted me to do something for him but that thing usually turns out to the same thing every time. I was more then relieved when he instead kissed me on the hair and said that we was leaving and bid me good luck on my homework. I smiled at him and told him to be safe on his trip, and then he was gone.

         I sighed and looked down at the offending sheet of math homework. I may be in honors math but that didn't mean I was good at it or that I liked it. Okay, it did mean that I was good at it but I still hate doing my homework. Waiting until I'm in a sleepy daze and just letting my body go on auto-pilot at 1 am was way easier then doing it right after school. 

         After a while of just sitting there and staring at the first problem without actually processing what it was, I put the pencil down and got up, deciding that wondering the house would be a lot more fun then what I was doing now. 

         I decided to talk to Levi about... whatever it was that came out of my mouth whenever I talked to him. 

         It turned out we decided to watch a movie that night and I asked him if he could pick me up from track tomorrow after school. He just smiled at me and said okay. With that I blushed and went to my room, giggling like a fucking school girl about the hot ass man in the next room over. 


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We go a little more in depth of past events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back my lovelies. This week has been disastrous. On Tuesday I tried killing myself and that wasn't fun, spent Wednesday recovering, and Thursday I kind of just stayed away from everyone so I barely had anytime to work on this. But I'm really glad I didn't die because on Friday I got to see all my old friends that I left when I moved schools 3 years ago, and the guy I thought would never even look at me hugged me and it was a good day all together. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

          I panted heavily and wiped the sweat from my forehead. Running usually isn't this hard for me, but I hadn't gotten much sleep last night. I kept thinking about Levi sleeping in the room right across from me, and one thing led to another and I might have spent all night with my fingers jammed up my ass, using my other hand to cover my mouth so Levi wouldn't wake up and hear me moaning his name like a mantra. 

          I swallowed several gulps of water before handing the bottle back to Mikasa and thanking her. She nodded and smiled at me, I gave her a thumbs up before going back to the starting line. I was the lead runner, and I was ready to win. 

          My coach stood in front of my team mates, crouching down and hyping them up, making sure to pat me on the back before stepping back. He stood to the side of the running path, asking both teams if they were ready. When he heard the affirmative sounds of both teams, he started. 

          "On your marks..." I smiled and locked my eyes onto the path. The way to victory was starting off paced and at the end, sprinting as fast your legs will carry you. 

          "Get set..." I glance over to where Mikasa and Armin were, ready to smirk  and stick my tongue out at them, when I suddenly felt my heart twist into a pretzel. Levi was standing there, his arms crossed and eyes bored, looking disinterested all together. I felt my face heat up. He actually came! Well, of course he came, I asked him to come. Only to pick me up though, I didn't think he would actually watch. These things aren't even that interesting unless you're the one running. 

          "Go!" my coach shot the starting pistol and everyone around me was suddenly surging forward, not giving me time to get my head on straight before pushing past me. I shook my head and looked away from the grey eyes that seemed to bore into my soul and sprinted forward. 

          Once I was caught up with the group and at the front once more, I slowed my sprint to a paced jog before suddenly, I was far ahead of everyone else. I glanced back behind my shoulder like an idiot and saw the head runner from the other team on my ass. Me looking back gave her the perfect chance to pass me. I watched her run ahead of me before furrowing my brow and getting ahead of her.

          She was a pretty skinny chick. Looked like she worked out on her days off. Had quite a bit of muscle on her for a 13 year old girl. Her hair was in a tight pony tail as she passed by me, her icey blue eyes trained in front of her as we ran side by side, not in any rush to waste our energy when we were only half way through the 2nd lap of the race. 

          I have raced against this girl many times before. She went to the competing school, and I'll be honest, this girl was one of the best runners I knew. Her name was Annie Leonheart and I would be lying if I said I didn't somewhat look up to her.  She had beat me in our fair share of races and afterward we would always shake hands and make small talk like we were old friends, which we technically were. 

          "And how have you been Leonheart?" I asked, sucking in the air I had lost while talking. 

          "Don't talk, idiot, it wastes your breath." She scolded me. 

          "You're not my mom." I mumbled out. She rolled her eyes and frowned at me. She reminded me a lot of Levi. I shook my head at the though of the man. 

          Me and Annie were making our way to the finish line, her forehead was coated in a thin layer of fresh sweat but her breath was yet to be labored. Damn this chick had good lungs. I was over here panting like a dog. My body was fine, I could probably run a lot more laps but my brain felt like it just got a fucking rock to the front of my skull all of a sudden. I shook my head and kept jogging. I could see the finish line and I smiled, focusing my eyes on the white paint on the hot asphalt. 

          After rounding the large football field 2 more time, me and Annie were suddenly sprinting forward, trying to get in front of the other without using our hands to push the other back. I swung my arms at my sides as fast as I could, willing my legs to go faster, faster, faster. I could see the finish line when I remembered the black haired boy waiting for me at the end, and suddenly, I was at the end. Gasping, I leaned over and put my hands on my knees, trying to take in precious air. 

          "And the winner is..." My coach said from the side line, "Eren Jeager!" The crowd cheered, the small amount of students that were there whooping and oohing and large sum of parents that were around clapping politely. I stood straight up, still panting but less harshly now, walking over to my coach who then proceeded in patting my back and telling me a good job.  

          After talking with my coach for a small amount of time, he told me to come back when the rest of the team was here. I nodded and decided to go get my water from Mikasa. 

          I turned towards the girl, not surprised when I saw the over joyed look  that was painted all over her face. As I walked up, I took a quick glance at Levi. He still looked bored but his eyes were ever so slightly fonder when he saw me walking over. 

          Once I finally got to the side lines, Mikasa pulled me into a big hug, regretting it soon after when she smelled me and then realized just how sweaty I was. She smiled big at me and handed me my water bottle. 

          "That was amazing Eren!" She said with a big grin. 

          "Yeah, you were like the flash at the end there. You won by a landslide!" Armin said, happiness written all over his face. 

          "Thanks guys. I tried my best." I sighed, taking in the water gratefully. I glanced over at Levi when I took another swig of water. 

          "Not bad." He said under his breath. I smiled at him and nodded, my cheeks heating ever so slightly. A ghost of a smirk appeared on his features before it disappeared just as quickly as it had came.  

          "I-I gotta go meet up with the coach, I'll be back in a sec!" I said, scurrying away from the three. My heart was going crazy, whether it be from all the fucking running I just did or the fact that my crush just complemented me on something that my father never did. 

          I jogged up to my coach, facing away from the sun that decided to shine directly in my eyes. The rest of the team had already gathered around him, finishing only a few minutes after me and Annie. My coach proceeded on giving us a speech about teamwork and friendship all that other shit and telling us a job well done. 

          After talking with the team about when the next team meet-up would be, I walked back over to my friends, the exhaustion from running so much and getting so little sleep hitting me all at once. 

          We walked to Levi's car, the raven haired man grumbling about getting his seats sweaty and gross before shaking his head and excepting his fate. We all made small talk as we drove to my house, Mikasa and Armin deciding that they wanted to hang out for awhile before going home. I notified them that I would be taking a shower, eating whatever was in the fridge, and then going straight to bed. And that's exactly what I did. Since it was Friday, I didn't really have to worry about my sleep schedule or anything. 

          It was about 5:30 when I fell asleep. I don't exactly remember what it was that woke me up. I slowly let my eyes open. It was dark outside, my window doing nothing to brighten the room. I heard a shower going in the connecting bathroom that was between me and Levi's guest bedroom. I rubbed my blurry eyes, getting the eye boogers out of the crevices. I enjoyed the warmth of my bed, feeling around in the darkness for my phone. Once my hand finally found it, I turned it on, wincing at the brightness of the screen. 

          I turned down the sun of a electronic and scrolled through my notifications after checking the time. 2:07 am. Some snapchats, some instagram DMs, some texts. I decided to start with snapchat. When I opened them it was just streaks, like I got everyday. 

          The instagram DMs were from a group chat of my track team that we decided to only use if we are talking about a race or practice since it basically blew my phone up if we used it to actually talk. That was just a mess. Most of the messages were of everyone congratulating me on winning and stuff like that. I actually got a DM from Annie as well, telling me to prepare for the next race, because she was going to kick my ass. I replied with a smirking emoji and a "sure you will".

          I tapped out of the app before seeing the text messages were actually from my dad and from Mika. I sighed before tapping on the app and seeing what it was that my father had to say. 

**[Dad - 6:04 pm]:** _Levi told me you won the track race. Good job son._

          My eyebrows raised. Was this really my dad saying that? I'm use to my team and friends giving me praise but I don't think my father has ever done that before, other then when it was when I gave him the pleasure of taking me. I checked the next message. 

**[Quiet Rice Ball - 8:53 pm]:** _I hope you sleep well. Me and Ar wish you a goodnight. Try not to do anything illegal when you wake up._

          I rolled my eyes at her message and pressed the power button on the phone before remembering the shower that was going in the other room. That had to be Levi taking it, since no one else was suppose to be in the house. A faint blush grew on my cheeks as I thought about Levi in the shower that was just a few feet away. Levi, in _my_  shower. He was in the shower that I have masturbated in. Masturbated to  _him_  in. I could feel my pajama pants get a bit tighter around my waist. Levi naked. Levi putting  _my_  body wash all over his perfectly chiseled chest and back..

          The water turned off, leaving my mind in a daze. He was out. I looked over at the door to the bathroom, the light from under the door prodding me to peak. The light from the crack left in the sliding door leaving a strand of light covering the floor and bed, making a reflection on the window. I swallowed dryly, throwing the warm blanket off and swinging my legs over the side of the mattress. My head swam, I put a hand on the dresser to my right. I took a breath in a let it out slowly. I dry washed my face before proceeding slowly. My stomach had butterflies. God damn it you damn pests, get out of my body! 

          I crouched down to look through the door without being caught. Levi was standing in front of the large mirror, brushing his teeth with a blush covering his high cheekbones. His muscled chest and back was still covered in water, droplets falling from the tips of his hair. The white towel he had wrapped around his waist was all that was in the way of the rest of the veiw. I bit my lip and placed a hand on the door frame, squeezing it and letting out short, small breaths. My other hand wandered downward, giving a small squeeze to my already hard cock. I couldn't let Levi know i was wa- 

          And at that moment, I started leaning backwards on accident. I gasped when my foot flew out from under me and hit the door, making it shudder. My heart rate sped up as I quickly got up and shot to my bed, quickly getting in and facing the window. I could hear Levi from the other side of the door give a small 'What the fuck?' before coming over to it. I tried to even out my breathing. The door opened slowly, I closed my eyes and put on probably the best act of a dead person I would ever try to pull off. I cracked my left eye open as little as possible, since Levi would be able to see its reflection in the glass as much as I was able to see his. 

          All I could see was his silhouette in the window. He was leaning on the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest like an angry lover, waiting for their partner to spill the truth. I gulped as quietly as I could. I could hear my heart in my ears, felt it too. I mentally slapped myself. It was time to pull off the best acting of my life. 

          I took a deep, loud breath through my nose, turning in the bed out of the fetal position to lay on my back, all the while letting my arms snake around the back of the pillow. I kept my eyes closed until I turned my head sleepily towards the door, letting out the breath and making a small noise. I blinked a few times slowly, making sure turquoise met with gray. I furrowed my brow to make myself look confused before letting out a small yet husky voice that I didn't even think was mine. 

          "Levi?" I asked. He just stood there, his eyes looking bored as he stared at me. I blinked at him. I was scared he knew that I was peaking, but didn't let it show on my face. He sighed and looked at the ground. I pursed my lips before looking up at the ceiling. I rubbed one of my eyes, taking in another sigh. "What time is it?" I asked, knowing full well what time it was. I wasn't looking at him but I knew he had looked back up at me. 

          "Late." Was all he said. I let out a breathy laugh before looking back over at him. 

          "No shit." I sat up and looked over at my clock. I hummed before looking around for my phone. I grabbed it and threw off the blanket once more. "Were you about to go to bed?" I asked him. He shook his head. He was still standing leaned against the door, looking delicious. I looked away before turning towards the door. I didn't want my erection to come back full fledged. "Okay, well I'm in the mood for some fresh air, so if you'll excuse me." I said finally. I walked towards my door and opened it, leaving the sexy man alone in the room. 

          I made my way to the front of the house. Living in a one story house made the walk short lived but I didn't mind. I threw on some shoes before unlocking the front door and making my way outside, opening and closing the gate after going through it. I wasn't thinking, I was just going. I walked away from my house. I needed fresh air. 

          After a while of walking, I heard footsteps behind me quickly approach. I looked behind me to see Levi in his black jeans and T-shirt jogging up to me. I stopped and waited for him to catch up with me. As soon as he got to me, he smacked me on the back of the head and breathed out harshly from his nose. 

          "You can't just suddenly leave the house without telling me. Especially at 2 in the fucking AM. You could've gotten stolen or some shit. Your father would never forgive me." 

          "You say it like he cares." I looked at the ground and felt my face heat up. Shit, did I say that out loud? 

          Levis' eyes softened before nudging me with his elbow. "Come on," He drawled, "of course he cares. I'd kill to have a dad like yours." He snorted. "Or any at all really." he chuckled with no real laughter in his voice. I pursed my lips before looking over at him with sad eyes. He was right. I should be thankful that I had a dad. Even if he did get a bit handsy some times.

          I nodded my head. We walked in silence for a while, just enjoying the night. I kept glancing over at Levi. Seeing him in the light of the moon and surrounded by stars made my heart do back flips. He looked so natural walking around at night. I looked down at his outfit before remembering that I was still in my pajamas. My embarrassment was short lived when a question suddenly popped into my head. 

          "Hey, why were you taking a shower at 2 am and not getting ready for bed?" I asked, breaking the silence. His step faltered before his hand went to the back of his neck, rubbing the nape. 

          "I might've been getting ready to go to my friends house..." He mumbled out. I furrowed my brow and snorted.

          "You can still go you know. I don't wanna ruin your weekend just because I decided I wanted to take a walk." I smiled over at him. He just looked at me with no real expression on his face before one of his eyebrow raised and and he shook his head. 

           "You aren't ruining my weekend at all. This is actually pretty nice. Y'know, I use to take a lot of walks at night when I was younger. I sort of made myself nocturnal, going to bed at around 3 pm and waking up in the middle of the night. We use to live on a somewhat of a small farm on the outskirts of the city. I could see all the stars and my mom would let me just go out and walk about at 2 am." He stopped suddenly, a sad look in his eyes but his face otherwise the same. He looked up and stared into the night sky, the smallest hint of a smile on his face. "Me and my friends would have sleep overs where we would make a nest of blankets and just look up at the night sky." He suddenly looked down and cleared his throat and shook his head. "Hey, do you wanna go to my friends house with me?" Surprised at the sudden turn in conversation topic, I looked over at him and nodded my head. 

          "I mean, sure, but wouldn't it be annoying to have to babysit while you're trying to have fun?" I asked him. He just shook his head and stared straight in front of him. 

          "That would only be true if you were annoying, and you're not. Plus, I trust you, if I thought you were going to be a nuisance I wouldn't have invited you in the first place." I blinked a few times before smiling at my feet and nodding my head in silent agreement. A sudden breeze flew past us and a shiver racked my body. Levi glanced over at me and furrowed his brow slightly. "Lets head back." He said, concern was tinted in his words and that fact alone made me feel warmed up. I nodded once again. 

          We finished our walk back to the house in silence once again. I told him to hold on while I went to go change into something a little more comfortable for a night out with friends that wasn't my fucking pajama pants and a over sized band tee shirt that was already torn in many places. 

          When I finally decided on a pair of black jeans and a over sized hoodie that I hadn't worn in a year, I quickly put on my dirty converse shoes and grabbed my phone. Levi had been waiting in the living room on the couch, texting his friends about whatever and that he was on his way. I informed him I was ready to go and he nodded at me, swiftly getting up from the couch and making his way to his car. I followed closely and got in on the passengers side. Levi plugged the aux cord into his phone and played whatever song that had decided to show up on the playlist. 

          Now would be a good time to explain something. Levi, even though he was 18, was still a junior in highschool. He had to miss a school year in elementary because of the accident with his parents. At first he had gone to go live with his uncle, Kenny, but that quickly proved to be a bad idea when he walked into the court room to get Levi with the stench of vodka on his breath so noticeable that the judge could smell it from the podium. He then lived with his aunt Karly for a few months. That was a fail as well. She killed herself after her boyfriend left her, leaving a young boy in her wake. The court then decided to try the mothers side of the family, since the fathers side seem to be fucked up in all kinds of ways. And that's when he started living with Mika and her family. He's been with them ever since. 

          Levi was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the song I didn't recognize playing in the speakers at the moment. He stopped at a red light before huffing all of a sudden and looked over at me. I noticed this and looked over at him as well. 

          "Look," he started, "You're going to be meeting my friends and I have to warn you about them. One of them is bat shit insane and will probably try to suffocate you as soon as you walk thought the door." The light changed and he stepped on the gas peddle. "The other ones are relatively normal but..." his brow suddenly furrowed and he glanced at me before training his eyes on the road. "You can keep a secret right, Eren?" He questioned. 

          "Of course I can. I'm not like SeaBiscuit." I snorted and looked out the window. One of Levis eyebrows shot up in question before he just shook his head. 

          "Good. Don't tell your father that I took you out to a somewhat of a party at fucking 3 am." He said. I nodded my head and stared at the houses we were now passing. We had turned into a really nice neighborhood. Levi nodded his head before we were suddenly stopping at a curb. Levi put the car in park and shut off the vehicle. He glanced at me once again before starting to get out. I followed suite, quickly rounding the car before jogging up to Levis side. He walked across a lawn up to the front door of a house that looked like it was too much for someone to just casually live there. 

          I sighed and smiled the nerves away. Tonight was going to be fun, and I was just going to have to deal with it. Levi looked back at me and smirked a bit before asking if I was ready. I just nodded my head and shoved my hands in my pockets. And with that, Levi opened the door. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. Sorry I had to end it there. I really want to make each chapter to be 4000 words each and this I needed to end this one soon so I could get it out on time. I hope you're ready for next chapter because it's going to be wild (not really, but im hyping myself.) I'm actually going to Homecoming tonight at school and I'm kind of excited. It's going to be the first time since I was yet a wee lad that I'm going to dress up and be frilly and such. I usually act like a man all the time, so it's going to be interesting to get to be a girl tonight. Anyway, have a good day/night, see ya next chapter.


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bitches get Lit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My life like an hourglass, pretending, waiting for the sand to run out.

As soon as we walked through the door, I felt a huge weight get put on my chest and my feet get lifted off the ground. Arms were being wrapped around me and I could feel my back pop-- could hear it too. All the breath in my lungs was being pushed out and I could hear a wheeze come out of my mouth without me having any control over it. Levi warned me this was going to happen but I had thought he was joking. I didn't think I was  _actually_  going to be suffocated.

"Come on Four-Eyes, he hasn't even been here 2 god damn seconds and you're already about to kill him." I could hear Levis' deep voice say from somewhere to my right. I was suddenly being dropped on my ass and left to suck in precious air.  

"Oh hush, you're just jealous you aren't being the one smothered for once!" A female voice said from above me. After catching my breath, I looked up to see a girl with goggle like glasses, and a messy ass brown ponytail. Her honey brown eyes blown wide, looking as if she had gone mad. 

She focused her gaze on me after chiding Levi, sending a shiver down my spine when I saw the flash of excitement that seemed to pass through her face when she made eye contact with me. 

"Ohhh! What a  _cutie_  you are~!" She said, grabbing my arms and pulling me up to my full height. I couldn't stop the slight yelp that escaped my throat when she did. I glanced over at Levi momentarily to see if he had heard it. To my surprise, he seemed to have a amused look in his usually bored eyes, making my face feel warmer then usual. We were the same vertically wise and she wasted no time in slithering her arm around my waist and walking past Levi, pulling my hip towards her. She leaned in towards my ear, not letting me pull back before saying: "We are going to have  _fun_ tonight, Kiddo." My eyes went wide for a second before she was pushing me to a door that swung open at my sudden weight. I stumbled before looking up to the rest of the people in the room. I staightened and pursed my lips. 

"H-hi," I waved at the group, "I'm Eren." A small girl with strawberry orange hair got up from the couch and her weird looking boyfriends arm that was wrapped around her shoulder and came up to me and smiled, presenting a hand to shake. I looked down at it for a second before grabbing it and shaking it. 

"Hi, my name is Petra." She said in a sweet voice. I smiled down at her and looked over my shoulder to see Levi staring at our hands. We released our grips and she turned to face the rest of the room. "Sorry for Hanji, she is a bit much to handle sometimes."

"Heeeyy!" Hanji said from behind me. "That's mean!" I looked at her and saw her put on a comical type of frown. I saw Levi go sit down on an empty spot on one of the couches. 

Petra ignored her and continued, "Well, welcome to our humble obode. Let me introduce you to everyone." She stepped forward before pointing to the guy she had been sitting next to. "Thats Oluo, my boyfriend." With a closer inspection of the man, he kinda looked like Levi but 9 years older and with two-toned hair. I frowned at him. He reminded me of that stupid horse cock Jean.

 She pointed to two other guys that were sitting next to each other on the floor near the TV. "This is Eld and Gunther." She pointed to each when she said their names. Eld was a blond guy, scruff on his chin and rocking a pretty nice ponytail. Gunther had slicked back dark brown hair that looked like a walnut. Or at least thats the only way I could explain it. Eld sent me a half smile and a peace sign and Gunther tiredly waved at me. I smiled and waved back.

 "And over here is Mike and Erwin." She turned and pointed to some guys that were standing in the corner talking in low voices. They both looked over and nodded at me. They were both tall, Mike being about a inch taller then Erwin. Erwin had a military style hair cut that kind of reminded me of Levis, and the Biggest fucking eyebrows I think I've ever seen? Yet they fit his face his in a odd kind of way. Mike kind of looked like a shaggy dog, dirty blond hair and a messy goatee and mustache. 

"And finally we have Levi and Hanji, but it seems you already know them." She patted my arm slightly and smiled up at me. "And that's it. Sit where ever you want." She went to go sit back down with her boyfriend. Everyone was looking at me for a second but I didn't move, feeling too awkward in my own skin. Finally, everyone went back to their own conversations and I looked around for a place to sit before looking over at Levi, who was just hanging out on the couch scrolling through something on his phone with his other arm thrown around the back of furniture. He glanced up at me and a ghost of a smirk appeared on his lips. I furrowed my eyebrows and went over to him. As I approached, he got up from the couch and grabbed my arm, tugging me towards the door. 

"Come on kid, you seem like you need a drink." He pulled me alone through the house to the kitchen. The shorter man took two glasses from the cupboard before going over to the pantry and pulling out some bottles. I raised an eyebrow and looked them up and down. 

"Are you giving me alcohol?" I asked in a suspicious voice. He snorted and looked over his shoulder at me.

"Of course not. Maybe we can go drinking when you're older though." I smiled at him. That means he'll still be around when I was older. I looked down towards my shoes and shifted my weight onto the balls of my feet a few times before looking back up to Levi that was still making whatever it was that he thought would make me feel better. 

He finally broke the silence when he was finished and picked up the two glasses and handed one over to me. "I'm not gunna lie, I might get a bit intoxicated tonight so if I do, I need to know if you would mind staying here over night." He said this while we walked back to the room with the rest of the poeple in it, glancing up at me once or twice. I just shrugged my shoulders and half smiled at him. I took a sip of the drink he had made me and put a hand to my cheek when the flavor ran through my mouth. It was super sweet and make my taste buds tingle. 

"Shit, this is really good." I said as I took another mouthful of the concoction. I heard Levi let out a harsh breath through his nose. We made it to the door and went inside, sitting back at the spot that Levi had been sitting at before. 

The two guys, Eld and Gunther, came over to where we were and started talking to Levi about whatever. I wasn't paying very much attention. I looked around the room in search of something that was more interesting then the conversation that was happening next to me. I hadn't noticed before, but there was a decorative plate of neatly stacked brownies on the coffee table infront of me. I blinked a few times before sitting forward and placing my drink down, reaching to grab one of them. They looked really good and I hadn't had anything to eat when I woke up. When was the last time I had had a brownie? It must've been at a birthday party one of my friends threw at one point. 

I grabbed the brownie on the top of the stack, taking a small bite of it. I let it move around in my mouth for a bit before swallowing it. Holy shit that was good. I took a full bite of it before I realized I had eaten the whole thing. I took another sip of my drink and looked over at Levi. God he was cute. No matter what he did, he was always so god damn attractive. I made a face and drank more of my drink. No one was really paying attention to me and I was slightly bored. Soon enough, Eld and Gunther left Levi and someone else came over to talk to him. I looked back to the stack of brownies that everyone seemed to be ignoring. I kind of wanted another one, but this wasn't my house, I had just got here, I didn't want to be rude.

I sighed and put down my drink. I was about to pull out my phone when I was suddenly being dragged by my arms off the couch and into the arms of Hanji. 

"Come on kid, I wanna show ya' somethin'." I furrowed my brow and looked over at Levi. I could feel the heat of him sitting so close to me leave and be left with the coldness of the rest of the house. He watched me go, giving a hanji a 'don't be too rough with him' before giving me an apologetic look and returning to his conversation with Petra and Oluo. And with that I was left to the unforgiving nature that was Hanji.

**Levi POV**

I watched as Eren's face morphed into one of betrayal as I let Hanji drag him off do to whatever with him. I looked back to Petra and sighed. She smiled at me and continued about how Oluo had done some stupid shit the other day.

Eventually the two left and Erwin came up to me with Mike, making idle conversation. About half an hour later, Eld said something that had caught my attention. 

"Hey, who ate one of the brownies already?" I looked over to the plate on the coffee table and squinted at how one of the brownies was missing. Who the fuck  _did_  eat it. Everyone knows we don't eat them until all of us are at least a little tipsy. Everyone except- oh fuck. I got up from the couch and I could suddenly  feel my stomach drop. I started towards the door, no one really caring if I left.

I walked quickly to the staircase before grabbing the railing and using my arm to swing my body to the front of them. I went up the stairs 2 at a time and right as I was about to open the door at the end of the hall, it swung open. There stood a loopy looking Eren and a confused looking Hanji.

I gave her a stern look and opened my mouth to yell at her before Eren fell into my arms, giggling lazily. "Levi," Eren drawled, "you smell so good~" I looked down at Eren's face. He was staring up at me with hooded eyes and a large smile that seemed to be drawn across his face. He was barely using his legs, putting mostly all his weight onto me. 

"I-I don't know what happened Levi!" Hanji tried to explain. "He was fine and then he suddenly got all loopy." 

"He ate one of the fucking brownies." I explained, pushing Eren upward so it was easier to hold him up. Hanjis jaw dropped as she looked from me to Eren and back. 

"OOooo, that's not good." She said in a small voice. I nodded and proceeded to turn around and drag Eren downstairs, Hanji following me close behind. I rounded the few hallways before I came back into the room where everyone was gathered. Everyone looked up when I entered the room, confusion painted across their faces clearly. 

"What happened?" Petra asked, getting up from the couch and rushing over like a concerned mother. 

"The little shit snook a brownie when I wasn't looking." I said, walking him over to the couch. He laughed and fell onto the soft furniture. He lied down and started hugging a cushion. He mumbled something into the pillow that I couldn't make out, but Oluo seemed to have, his eyes widening a bit before glancing at me and sitting back farther into his chair. I raised an eyebrow before sighing and running a hand through my hair. 

"What should we do? I don't think we've ever dealt with a kid getting high on accident before?" Hanji asked, biting her nails.

"There's really nothing we can do except let him ride out his high and hope its a good one." Erwin said from the other couch. I nodded my head and dropped my hand from my head. He was right. Like always. I shrugged and plopped down onto the couch next to the kid. He turned his head towards me before widening his eyes a bit and smiling even bigger then before. He sat up before falling towards me and putting his head in my lap. I raised an eyebrow and looked down at him. He made eye contact with me before opening his mouth.

"Hey, Levi?" He said. 

"What is it, Kid?" 

"I can't move." He said nonchalantly. I snorted at him and let a very small smile ghost onto my face. I heard a small gasp from someone in the room, and i wiped it off my face instantly. I looked up at Hanji and sneered.

"Well? What are you fuck heads waiting for?  Lets eat them already." Murmurs of agreement went around before everyone was grabbing a brownie from the stack and chowing down. Petra, being the sweetheart that she is, handed me one when I didn't make a move for the platter. I mean, I couldn't just push the kid from my lap, now could I? Eld asked me if we should let Eren have another one. I was about to decline when Eren started making noises of agreement. I rolled my eyes and begrudgingly agreed. I guess if Eren came down from his high before everyone else, he wouldn't be having much fun, huh? 

We all voted on what kind of music we should play before settling down in various parts of the room and getting comfortable. Around 45 minutes later, The Arctic Monkeys was playing everyone had a smile on their faces.

' _Have you got color in your cheeks?_  
_Do you ever get that feelin' that you can't shift the tide_  
_That sticks around like summat's in your teeth_  
_Ah, there's some aces up your sleeve_ '

 I was staring up at the ceiling with my normal blank expression when I felt a tug on my shirt. I looked down to see Eren looking up at me with large doe eyes. I just looked at him and he looked back. I saw his lips say something, but I couldn't hear. The only noise was the lyrics in my ears and the way the waves of the base seemed to wash over me. 

 _' Have you no idea that you're in deep_  
_I dreamt about you nearly every night this week_  
_How many secrets can you keep?_  
_'Cause there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow_  
_When I play it on repeat_  
_Until I fall asleep_ '

His hand was still tangled in my shirt, not moving. I didn't really mind. We stayed there staring at each other for... I don't know how long. In that time, I took in the features of his face. I had seen this face so many times in my life, at several times a week, but I had never actually appreciated it. 

_'  Spilling drinks on my settee  '_

His eyes were an amazing color that I had never really studied. If you had held something blue up to them, they would look blue, if you held something green up to them, they would look green. Little flecks of gold seemed to be spread out and complement the color even more. 

 _ '(Do I want to know)  _ _ If this feeling flows both ways _

(Sad to see you go)  
_Was sorta hoping that you'd stay_  
_(Baby we both know)_  
_That the nights were mainly made for saying_  
_Things that you can't say tomorrow day '_  

He had a nose that fit his face perfectly. His lips were pink and nice to look at. His eyebrows seem to furrow even when he isnt angry, like... he's eternally distressed. His messy brown locks fell from his face and into his face in a very flattering way and-  _Damn._

  _' Crawlin' back to you '_

I would never say this out loud but Eren was actually... attractive. I feel weird just thinking this, the age gap being kind of weird and all, but Eren wasn't half bad looking. Shit, he wasn't bad looking at all. I knew I always kind of felt a little over protective over the kid, but I never thought I would find the kid... pretty. 

The song continued on as I heard a deep voice say behind me: "Hey Erwin, do I have the munchies? 'Cuz you're lookin' like a snack~" I snorted loudly before turning my head towards Mike and Erwin. Erwin doesn't usually get high, he says it gives him too much anxiety, so he really is only here to babysit us. Mike looked like he was having a little too much fun, climbing onto Erwin with hooded eyes. I was about to turn away and let them have their fun before remembering there was a child in the room. 

"Hey you two, go upstairs or something. There are unprotected ears in the room." Mike and Erwin swung their heads towards me before looking down at the tuff of brown hair that was sticking out from the armrest of the couch. Erwin cleared his throat before getting to his feet and rolling his eyes. Mike did the same but instead of rolling his eyes, took Erwin by the arm and pulled him from the room. 

"Levii," Eren whined, "You act like I've never had sex before." Eren mumbled below me. My eyes widened a bit before I quickly looked down at him. I raised a eyebrow at him before shaking my head. I'm high, there was no way he actually said that. He's just a kid, kids don't have sex. Has he even got through puberty yet? I shook those thoughts from my head. I didn't want to think about that. His father would never allow that. 

The rest of the night went on like that. We all sat around for a long while, just listening to music and conversating. Eventually, Eren fell asleep in my lap and I had to drag him upstairs to a guest bedroom. When I tried to put him down on the bed, he clung to me like a baby koala to its mother and wouldn't let me go. I fell on top of him and felt legs get wrapped around me immediately. Now, you have to remember that I was still slightly high, so don't go yelling at me about this when I wake up, but... I kind of enjoyed being cuddled. I know, I know, big bad Levi isn't suppose to enjoy intimacy, especially with someone so young, but... Eren is warm and smells nice, and I kind of just... fell asleep like that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHH IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LATE. I CAN EXPLAIN!! Alright, so a shit ton as gone down in the past month and a half. That guy I was talking about last chapter? Well, we dated. I was so happy-- for a week. Things did not go smoothly. Which is really a shame because he was really hot. His personality though? The opposite. Anywaay, I recently moved schools and the homework they assign is fucking unbelievable. Actually, as I write this, I'm procrastinating writing an essay thats due by the end of Thanksgiving break. So. Rip. I hope to work on this more though! I'll try to get a few more chapters out this week (because you already know im going to procrastinate and distract myself until the actual day before I have to go back.) Thank you for reading (as always) and I hope you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is born crazy.   
> Everyone is born sane.   
> It's the events of ones life that trigger insanity. It could be from isolation, neglect, hate, injustice, pride. (And so on) 
> 
> Repetitive actions make people insane. Those nights when the only thing running through your mind is the same thing over and over and over and over, and you feel lost, powerless, like you're no one, nothing, but you have to be known. Worthless, stupid, powerless, disgusting, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing. 
> 
> Insanity is a state of being that is triggered by people, but most of the time, the lack there of. 
> 
> Be careful

**Eren POV**

I woke up that morning to something I never thought I'd wake up to. A sleeping Levi. I'd be lying if I said I haven't watched him sleep before but _dang,_ up close is even better. His cute, pink lips were jutted out slightly as his eyebrows furrowed. Even in sleep, he looked as if he was internally fighting with himself. His black hair was strewn around in messy, slick strands, covering the white pillow his head was rested on. The soft beams of light that came from the thin curtains drifted across the pale skin of his body-- I honestly couldn't ask for a better way to wake up.  

I stayed like that for a bit before I felt some of his muscles twitch. He took in a long inhale of breath before letting his eyes flutter open, his long eyelashes sending shadows across his slim nose. _God_ , he is so fucking pretty. 

He stared up at me for a second before his eyes closed slightly, his signature glare running up and down my face. Suddenly, the warmth of his body next to mine was gone and he was sitting up, throwing the covers off of us. God damn it. I was having a nice time. In that moment, I forgot that he was just my babysitter, my best friends cousin,  my fathers go to man. In that moment, I forgot that I was just a 13 year old with no significance in Levi's life.

 I took a deep breath in before slowly rolling over to the spot that Levi had been laying in, stuffing my face in the sheets and breathing in Levi's natural scent. I didn't want it to look weird, so I whined and took the pillow Levi was laying on a using it to cover my head. 

"Five more minutes." I said into the mattress. Instead of him rolling his eyes, Levi took the pillow off my head and slammed it back down. 

"What were you thinking last night? Eating a pot brownie? Do you want your father to drown me in a pool of my own blood?" Levi chided at me. I frowned and turned my head to look at him, giving him my best puppy dog eyes. 

"No one told me they were pot brownies! I just saw them on the table, and you were talking to someone and I was hungry and-" another pillow smack, but this one was on the side of my face.

"I don't want to hear it mister! Now, go get your shoes on, I'm gunna go beat the shit out of Hanji and then I'm bringing you home." He said, throwing the pillow down before opening the guest bedroom door and exiting the room. 

"Well good morning to you too, Mr. Grumpy." I sighed, pouting at the wall. I was having a good time before he woke up and ruined everything. I lied there for a bit before realizing that if I didn't move soon, Levi would chew me out. I pushed the covers off and threw my legs over the side of the bed. I made my way downstairs and slipped on my shoes. Just then, I realized that I had slept in my going out clothes. I wish I had at least taken off my pants before passing out. 

I walked through the door way that I assumed everyone was in. I grabbed my phone out of my hoodies pocket and looked at the time. 11:34 am. I thought we would have slept longer. Too be fair, I did get my 8 hours of sleep yesterday already, and we did stay up until around 7 am. Really, that was more like a really nice nap. I wonder why Levi woke up this early though. Did I wake him up? I hope not. He always has bags under his eyes. He needs to sleep. 

I looked up as I entered and saw a bunch of passed out idiots laying around the room in weird, uncomfortable positions. Levi was grabbing Hanji by the pony tail in the corner and yelling in her ear about some bullshit about leaving pot brownies around for anyone to grab. Some of the group was sleeping peacefully through the torturous screaming and others were grumbling about how he should shut the fuck up. 

After all that, Levi and I got in the car and it was mostly silent until he asked me a question. 

"So," he started, "you said something last night that I'm confused about." He stated. I immediately felt my face turn a deep crimson. Levi turned on the car and pulled out of the drive way, speeding away from the house.

"Uh-h," I stuttered, "I was high, you shouldn't take anything I said seriously." I chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of my neck. 

"Well, I still want to ask." He said. Damn it, why'd he have to be so persistent.  

I sighed. "Okay, what it is." I said, giving in. I'm setting myself up for failure, I can fucking feel it. His eyes were trained in front of him and his knuckles were going slightly pale from gripping the steering wheel. Was he really this nervous to ask me a simple question? I must have really fucked up last night. Last time I'm getting high around someone I have a crush on.

"Okay... well..." He started, "Last night, you said that you've had... sex before. And I know, I know, this isn't really something you share with your _babysitter,_  but.. I'm curious." He finished. I stared at him with confusion written all over  my face. Didn't his father punish him the way min- Oh yeah! He never had a real dad! His dad died when he was a young kid. I looked away from him and smiled. 

"Well, my dad doesn't really like when I talk about it but-" And suddenly my body was getting pushed forward, my seat belt catching me from flying into the window. The screech of the cars tires skimming across the road sounding like a roar in my ears. 

I quickly looked over over at Levi and realized he was staring at me. I brushed the hair out of my face and exhaled harshly. "What the fuck man! What the fuck was that! Dude!" I looked at him and he just stared at me for a second before realizing that we were still in the middle of the road. He quickly drove to the side of the road and parked, turning off the car. He didn't say anything and I was too confused to yell at him for nearly killing us. 

Finally, he turned his whole body towards me as much as he could before running a hand through his hair. 

"Eren. This is another very serious question that I need you to answer completely honestly to. Your father never has to know you told me, okay?" He said in a deep, serious voice. I nodded my heads slowly and furrowed my brow. He took a deep breath before asking, "Eren... does your father... have sex with you?" I turned my head and in confusion and nodded. 

"Of course he does. That's what all fathers do when they punish their kids." I said. I didn't realize till later that my voice was shaking when I told him that. His eyes widened and he looked like he had stopped breathing. His face became pale and I felt my face heat up. Had I done something wrong? 

"Oh... my god." I heard him say under his breath. "Oh-- Oh my god!" He exclaimed, "What the fuck! Oh my fucking god!" He put the car in drive and and sped off the side of the road. 

"W-whats the big deal Levi! Come on, slow down!" I said, holding the the dashboard. He didn't answer me, he just kept driving. Once he finally pulled into the drive way, I got out in a huff without saying a word. If he thinks he can just ignore all my questions and almost get us killed, that's his deal. 

I entered the house with Levi on my heels. I was about to turn to go to my room to change, but Levi pulled me into the living room instead. 

"What the hell-" I started to say, but Levi put his finger to my lips and shushed me. He pushed me down onto my sofa, sitting down a along with me. 

"Eren. I need you to go and pack your things. Your father has informed me that you will be... going to stay with someone for a bit. He also told me to tell you that you are not to comunicate with him whatsoever until he gets back." He said this all very quickly and to the point. I had no idea what was going on, but nodded in confusion regardless. "Let me see your phone." He asked, putting his hand out. I raised an eyebrow but grabbed the electronic out of my pocket and put it in his hand. He tucked it into his own back pocket and told me to take a shower, he had to go do something. 

A few minutes later I could see Levi's car pulling out of the drive way. I bit my lip for a moment while asking myself if I was going to actually shower right away or do something I had been wanting to do last night as me and Levi stared at each other and I could feel his warm thighs under my head. I quickly made up my mind, walking away from the front door window and going into my fathers bedroom. This room did not hold good memories for me, but it had what I wanted. I walked around the bed to the bed side table nearest to the back porch and opened it, searching for what I knew was in it. After carefully digging through the contents inside, I found a small bottle of lube and a dildo. I could feel my dick twitch to life just from looking at it. 

I wasted no time in sneaking back over to my bedroom and yanking off my clothes. I flopped onto the bed before quickly popping off the cap of the lube and spreading it onto my fingers. I slithered my hand down my body to my ass, pushing lightly on the ring of muscle. My fingers slipped in without resistance, my body use to more harsh conditions. God, using lube is a lot better then spit, or worse, nothing at all. 

I trusted my fingers in and out of my ass, scissoring and groaning at the feeling of being stretched. After preparing myself thoroughly, I put lube on the dildo and used my hand to spread the substance. I bit my lip as I continued in the action of fucking myself. I pushed the length into myself as far as I could before I was stopped by the hilt. I could feel it rub against my prostate, sending waves of pleasure over my entire being. I craved more from the object, and thus used my slicked up pointer to press the button that would make me cum. Once I hit it a few times, I got to a vibration setting I enjoyed the most, and let the dildo do what it was made to do. It hit my prostate over and over and made my insides feel like they were on fire. I whined loudly, biting on my blanket to make myself quieter. What if Levi came home early and- 

"Ngh- Levi!" I called out, pink dust filtering onto my face. Well, thinking about him watching me excited me even more. "Ah! haaah~ Levi! Levi! Harder!" 

And suddenly, all I could see was white, a feeling of heat flushed over my body and I could feel my limbs twitch and flinch aa I breathed hard, gasping for air after the sudden act of lewdness.  I took a moment to come down from my high before taking the hard dildo from my ass and looking down to see streams of my seman spread over my stomach and dripping down my cock. What a mess. 

I quickly threw a loose blanket over my secret tools and went to the bathroom to wash off. I turned on the shower and waited for it to warm up before feeling it with a hand and walking in.

As I stood under the warmth of the water, I thought back to what Levi had been saying just a bit before. I still had no idea what the fuck was going on, but Levi was frantic and I don't think I've ever seen him like that before in my life. I don't really mind Levi paying this much attention to me, it was nice to have someone who cares enough to look at me this much. I wonder who I'd be staying with? This isn't the first time this has happened, Grisha has a lot of buisness trips and makes me stay with people when Levi is too busy to babysit for so long. 

What if I got to stay with Levi in his new apartment? God, that would be a dream. Staying up with Levi every night watching movies, going places after school, driving places at night when neither of us can sleep. What a time... but that would never happen.  

After I washed myself well in the shower, I got out and dried off, throwing on grey shorts and a sweatshirt. I walked out of my bedroom to see that Levi (thankfully) had not come home yet. I quickly grabbed the dildo and lube from my room and washed them off before carefully placing them back in my father's drawer. 

As I was closing the door to my father's room, I heard the front door open. I turned the corner to see Levi standing in front of the fireplace squeezing the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed, and a hand on his hip. I wonder what he's so uptight about. Well, me, if you're worried about him, go and fucking ask. Yeah, because _that's_ a good idea. If he wanted to tell me I would already know by now.

I huffed at myself and made my way to my room. I flopped down on my bed after turning on the TV and wrapped my blanket around me. After finding a show I didn't hate, I snuggled into my pillow and blanket, feeling more comfortable than I had all week. Without even realizing it, I slipped my eyes closed and fell into unconsciousness.

 _'_ A fist collides with my jaw and I fall to the ground, holding my injured stomach and face. I could taste blood in my mouth from biting my tongue. I gasp for air for a second before looking up at my attacker. I make eye contact with Grisha and his face morphs into that of anger. I quickly look down and away, fearing what's to come of my mistake of looking at the man.

I feel one of my arms getting pulled from my body, pushing me off the ground. My abdomen feels like it's on fire and I can feel a bruise starting to form on my jaw. Blood is dripping from my nose and I can feel it running down my face. It hurts like hell but I know that crying doesn't help, it just makes it more painful.

Im getting thrown onto a bed before I can even wipe my face. Blood is filling my mouth and I can't think fast enough. If i spit it onto the bed, he's probably just going to hit me again, I can swallow it but then I would throw it up before he's even finished and I'll get a harder punch to the throat. I don't have time to make a desicions before it spilling out of my mouth and I cough it all out, spluttering in agony as it drip out and stains the sheets.

I feel a sharp pain erupt in my chest and a whine cones from my throat before I can stop it. Another punch is thrown at my face and my eye suddenly feels like it's getting pushed into my skull. Tears form in my eyes but I cover my mouth so no more sounds can escape. I feel a slicked something or other touch my asshole and I bite my hand. I'm suddenly getting pushed into and it feels like my entire lower half is on fire.

This is the point where I disassociate my brain and thoughts from my body. All the pain in my body has combined into one numb feeling, and I stare at the ceiling. Sometimes I feel like my father forgets. Forgets I'm human.

But I guess I'm not. I'm not a human. _You're_ _trash_ he says. _You're_ _nothing_ he continues.  _You're_ _lower than dirt._ And I believe him. What else am I suppose to believe? That I'm worth something? That I matter to someone?

 _You're_ _friends pity you because_ _you're_ _a whore._ I hear him say. His voice is a distant echo in my mind, the phrases he uses have been used many times, beaten into my brain and my skin. I'm useless. I'm useless. _I'm_ _useless._ _ **I'm**_ ** _useless._**

My body stops moving and I look down to see my father's long hair covering his face, his throat raspy and panting. His hips still from their movements. I let my breath even. As he pulls out, I slowly roll away from  him, putting my feet on the ground. I watched as he collapses onto the bed, already passed out. 

As I try to stand up, I can already feel my legs almost fully give out, shaking from the strain of getting a beating and a forceful pounding. The tears had stopped, but the emotional trauma was still there so...had they really? No. I suppose not. I pick up my ripped clothes from the floor and slowly make my way down the hall to my room, quietly shutting the door. _'_

A gental shake to my shoulder wakes me up. Look up to see Levi, sitting on my bed with a passive face. Somehow, I feel more tired as I open my eyes than I did when I closed them. The TV is off and I can feel my sleeve rolled up and laying face up to the side of me. I quickly put my arm to my chest and bring my other hand to my face, rubbing my eyes.

A wetness touches my hand. I feel my cheeks and sure enough, I had been crying. I quickly sit up and rub at my face with my sleeves.

"Sorry," I say, not looking at him. I hate my fucking dreams. I always either wake up in a fit, cold sweat, or crying. I love the nights when I don't have any dream. When it's just blackness in front of my eyes for 2-10 hours. Those aren't  often though.

"Why would you be sorry?" He asks beside me. I shrug and he's silent for a bit. He breathes sharply through his nose and leans back, resting his back against my legs. "Hey," he says, coaxing my head towards him, "you wanna help me move my shit into my new apartment? I was kind of hoping to get in there this week but was letting it go since your dad asked me to come and watch you." He isn't looking towards me, but flickers his eyes besides my head a few times. I'm confused at this sudden offer, but I slowly nodded my head. 

And that's what we do. For the rest of the day, we're driving back and forth from Mikasa's to his new apartment, loading the car with boxes and unloading into the various rooms of his new place. When I walked in the first time, I was completely frazzled. It was a  3 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment with a island in the kitchen. The counters were made of marble and the living room area had white carpet lining the boarder. A floor to ceiling window allowed you to see out onto the busy street many stories down.

"I have to be honest," Levi said when we first got there, "if Erwin's parents werent so rich and liked me as much as they do, I would probably be living in a box on the side of the road instead." I chuckled but quietly assured him I'd never allow that to happen. He gave a sharp exhale from his nose and started putting boxes where they were suppose to go.

Soon enough, Erwin himself showed up with Mike and started helping Levi with his shit before bringing up his own boxes. I guess Levi must have texted him.

Erwin was 18 at the time, he was in his senior year of high school but had befriended Levi in elementary school before the accident. After that, he made sure to stay close to Levi, growing a great relationship with him over the years. His was a rich kid but shared his toys. I'm going to be honest, I didn't like him. Him and Levi were too close. Levi is mine- wait no. He's not. But I'll be damned if I let that blond asshole take Levi from me. _Damn it Eren,_ _he's_ _not yours to be taken from_.

Eventually, it's nearing 7 pm and we moved 98% of Levi's shit into the apartment. The only things left are spare clothes he has at my house and small useless things he left over at Mika's. After we're done, Levi offers to buy me ice cream as a thanks for helping him move and I agree immediatly. He chuckles and we go and get the frozen treats. I get a mix of chocolate and pomegranat sherbet, dumping all the toppings available on. Go big or go home. Levi gets plain ol' mint-chip with fudge and I laugh at him.

"What?" He says with a raised eyebrow, a small smile playing on his lips none the less.

"You silly, silly simpleton." Is all I say in return. He scoffs and puts his hand on his chest, looking offended. A burst of giggles comes from me and he goes back to his normal stance. After he pays at the register, I go sit down at one of the stools, swinging my legs through the air. He follows suite and we make conversation as we enjoy the delicious bowls of fro-yo.

I can't help the bubbly, warm feeling that sits in my stomach. Levi soon finishes his ice cream when I'm only halfway done. He says we can bring it home if I promise not to let any spill in his car. I think his exact words were "Even one drop spills on the dashboard and your ass will be hanging on my mantle." I agreed and on the ride home was hyper aware of how the melting ice cream sloshed around in the cup.

When we pull into the driveway, I unbuckle and get out of the car. As soon as I get inside, I put the ice cream in the freezer and make sure to wash my hands. Levi offers a movie and popcorn and I agree whole heartedly. Around 30 minutes into the movie though, as I'm about to fall asleep from doing so much hard labor today, we hear a knock at the door. Levi pauses the movie and gets up, making his way to the door.

I'm still sitting there with my eyes drooping closed when I hear Levi yell my name, saying it was for me. I shake my head out of the slight daze and get up from the couch, making my way to the front door.

A policeman and a detective are waiting at the door, looking at me expectantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading I really hoped you liked it. I got a little writers block for a few weeks after writing the words "and he slipped into unconsciousness." And I literally had no idea where to go from there for a while. Every time I tried to think of something to write, id get distracted 3 seconds later. I know where I'm going with it but I need filler and plot until I can actually get to that point >n< (I still haven't fully written the essay,,, it was due last week) abd can i just thank you guys so damn much for almost 1200 hits? Thats insane to me. The comments and kudos mean the world to me. Until next time my babes! <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's pretend you have unlimited wishes. All will come true. 
> 
> I know most everybody would say "I want a billion dollars a year." Or "i wish for my soul mate next to me right now." Or "i wish for a bunch of amazing friends" 
> 
> Or maybe something stupider, I don't know. 
> 
> What I would wish for is something a little better. 
> 
> "I wish for everyone in the world to be happy with their bodies and imperfections and everyone else to accept others imperfections" 
> 
> "I wish for every orphan to find a loving home" 
> 
> "I wish for world hunger to be non-existant" 
> 
> " I wish for everyone in the world to have access to clean water they can drink" 
> 
> " I wish aids didn't exist" 
> 
> "I wish for world peace" 
> 
> " I wish for flying cars that run off solar power" 
> 
> "I wish there wasn't any trash in the ocean"
> 
> I have all these wishes, but my question is, when I said you had unlimited wishes, did you think only about things you wanted, or things the world needs? 
> 
> Some sillier wishes:   
> "I wish we only had to piss and shit only one time in our life times"   
> "

I stared at the front door in complete and udder confusion. 

"Um... why?" I cleared my throat and put my fist to my mouth,  "Are you here I mean?" Both of the two people standing there were staring at me with a look I would describe as pity. I didn't know what they were looking at me like that for but I was defiantly about to find out. 

"Are you Eren Jeager?" The female detective asked me.

"Yes ma'am. Is there... a problem?" I glanced between Levi and the detective nervously before slowly walking closer to the door. 

The police man looked at Levi and then at each other before looking at back at me. "May we come in, Mr. Jeager?" The policeman said. I nodded as they stepped past the the door frame, their feet sounding heavy on the wooden floor boards. At this point I could feel my hands shaking, my face burning, and my stomach had a feeling of pure fear. I've felt like this before on too many occasions, but usually not from something like this.

The four of us made our way to the living room that me and Levi were just sitting in, the T.V. was still on, our paused movie sitting on the screen. We situated ourselves on the furniture, me in the corner on my dads recliner, Levi next to me on the couch and the other two across from us on the long part of the L shaped couch. 

"So, Eren, we are here... as your friend. I'm Julia Krelsa and this is Tyler Pretu. We don't want to upset or embarrass you, and we can ask Mr. Ackerman here to leave at anytime. We just need you to answer our questions as honestly as you can. Is that alright with you?" The detective said this all in one go and looked at me expectantly. I nodded my head. I was afraid to use my voice, what if it started shaking or cracked? That would be mortifying in front of Levi. The woman nodded back and me and flipped open her notepad. I gulped. 

"First question: has your father ever hit you?" She asked. I was starting to think that maybe this wasn't a normal thing for fathers to do with their sons. 

I could feel that my face was showing that of disgust or hatred but I couldnt help it as I stared at this woman. If I did tell her the truth, what would happen to my father? Would he be mad at me? This is what I get for trusting Levi with a secret my father said to never tell anyone. I should've never told him. My father is always right, what was I thinking. But... if this woman did take my father away, then I wouldnt have to endure the beatings and sex. And, is it really even sex? Sex is when two people make love and have fun and... consent. So... is this really the good idea? Maybe. But then again, who the hell would take care of me if they did put him in jail? Levi? as if. He has his own life, he doesn't want to be dealing with an annoying ass little kid that has a crush on him. I would go to a foster home. I would lose all my friends. I would have no one anymore.

"Mr. Jeager?" She asked. Shit, I took to long to answer. I thought about it for half a milisecond before my body reacted before I had the chance. My head nodded, answering the question. I could see Levi clutch at his pants. I wonder why. The detective as well as the police man wrote this down, the police radio on his arm going off once in a while. I looked down at my hands before clutching them together. This was it. This is where the horror ends... Right? 

"Has your father ever... touched you, Mr. Jeager? Around here?" She hovered her hand over her lower body. 

"Yes. Isn't that what fathers and their sons do?" I asked. I heard Levi give out a small huff and a shake of his head. I looked down at my hands once more and noticed that there were warm droplets on my hands. And my cheeks. And in my eyes. I was crying in front of 3 grown adults. How embarrassing.

Questions like these continued on until the detective got up, the policeman following suit, and asked if they could speak privetly with Levi. He agreed and the three of them left me in the livingroom, alone with my thoughts and tears. They walked outside to the front pourch. When they had closed the door, I walked over to Levis guest room and cracked the window open to hear what they were saying. 

"-oon as he gets back, we need to arrest him immediately. He's been putting that poor boy through torture for literal years." Miss Krelsa said.

"I agree completely. I'm just so... outraged and disgusted that this happened under my nose for years and I had no idea. I thought all his bruises and such were just from him getting in fights at school. I never thought... God!" I heard him slam his fist onto the closed front door. I winced. He sounded so upset. 

"It's not your fault. No one knew. We should be happy we know now." Mr. Pretu said. I closed the window. I had heard enough. I left that room and went to mine, grabbing my bag out of the closet and going to my dresser, shoveling clothes in. Tears that I thought were done flowing fell from my face and a sob escaped my lips. Why me? Why did my mother have to get on that fucking plane? Why did my father have to become a drunk. A better question, why the hell did I have to be born? And look like my mother? And why did Levi have to be my babysitter? If my dad hadn't made Levi babysit me, I would've never told him that stuff in the car and this wouldn't be happening. Why can't I just be dead? 

At this point, I had stopped shoving clothes into my bag and started just crying hystaricly and scratching at my arms. Why me? The scratching continued. Why the fuck do I need to be alive? Harder. Why does everyone seem to unload all their fucking shit on me? Its numb. I only deserve silence. The screaming sound of silence that I heard so much within the time that I spent here in this awful house. 

I got up from my spot on the floor and walked slowly to the bathroom. Once I was inside, I locked the sliding doors on both sides and opened the bottom drawer on my side of the bathroom, grabbing the razor that was taped to the bottom. I sat on the toilet and rolled up the hoodie sleeve. I stared at the silver razor that I had had for a few years. When I was around 5th grade, I realized that I have no control in my life. Everything I do and say is what someone else wants. I don't even have control over my body. I own nothing and can do nothing to fix it. I wanted to control something, and what better to control then my pain? Sometimes I can't control that but when I have this razor in my hand, I can.

I pressed the cold metal to the soft underside of my fore arm and pressed down, pulling to the side. Warm crimson beads surfaced on my skin, quickly starting to pool and run down my arm. I did this again and again, opening and reopening old cuts. The tears in my eyes were replaced with red tears on my arm.

Soon enough, crimson was covering 70% of my arm and my tears at stopped. Just as I was about to slice another line into my flesh, a loud pounding on the door startled me, blood falling onto the floor.

"Eren? You in there?" I heard Levi yell from behind the door. I stared wide eyed at my arm then at the door. 

"U-uh yeah! I'll be out in a minute!" I yelled back. I breathed out of my nose for a second before grabbing some toilet paper and dabbing at my arm. I walked to the counter and turned on the water. I put my arm under the cold fluid and watched as all the blood slipped down the drain, also cleaning the razor. After I was sure that all the blood was off me, I was about to retape the razor to the underside of the drawer when I remembered that I was going to leave this house soon anyway and slipped it into my pocket. I grabbed some bandages from under the sink and wrapped my arm, making sure it was secure before putting my sleeve back down. 

I left the bathroom and walked back into my room. The voice screaming at me in the back of my head was quieter now, not fully satisfied. It never will be, not until I'm six feet underground. My eyelids were heavy as I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my hoodie and made my way back to the living room. I rubbed at my eyes. Willing then to become less red.

As I was about to round the corner, I heard them talking and stopped. 

"He can come live with me." Levi said. A small gasp escaped me and I pressed myself to the wall, listening closer.

"Mr. Ackerman, you are still a child yourself, you're not even out of highschool." Miss Krelsa said.

"I've been taking care of him since he was 7, the only difference from that and him moving in with me is that now I'll be paying for him, which is fine. I have a job and it's not like we don't have enough space for him." Levi retorted. 

There was a moment of silence that followed this before the detective was agreeing and Levi gave out a small sigh. My heart was pounding in my chest and I could feel my face was hot. I quickly tried to pull myself from my thoughts, slapping myself in the face. I shook my head and rounded the corner. The three of them turned to look at me as I walked in. 

"Eren," Levi said, "have you packed all your stuff?" 

"Yeah, uh, not all of it," I said. He nodded, turning back to the two other adults. I turned on my heel and made my way to my room. I looked at my clothes, strewn across the floor. I sighed and dumped my backpack out onto the floor, folding and repacking the garments.

~~~~~~~~~~

A week later, I was fully moved into Levis apartment. I don't know what he said to Erwin, but after hearing it he was 100% with me intruding.

I haven't seen Grisha since the day he left. I had over heard Levi on the phone talking to the detective that had come over. Something about arrest and court.

After a lot of arranging, we finally found a way to transfer me from the apartment to my school. Levis classes started at around 7 am and mine started at around 9. After bickering for a long while with multiple people, we ended with the conclusion that Mikasa mother would pick me up as well as Mika and Armin.

Every chance they got, Mikasa and Armin would ask me why I was living with Levi now. Every time I would tell them I would explain later. Honestly, I didn't want to tell them what happened with my father. If anything, it was embarrassing. Until one day, they finally got it out of me.

"Please, please, please, please, please, pleeeeaaaassseee." They begged in unison. I swallowed what was left of my sandwich and rolled my eyes.

"Guys, it's personal, okay? I don't want to talk about it. Ever." I said.

They glanced at each other before giving me a offended look.

"We are your bestest friends in the whole damned world!" Mikasa said.

"Yeah! It's not fair you told Levi and not us!" Armin exclaimed. I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose.

"Fine, but you can't tell anyone, okay?" They both nodded and leaned in when I did. "It's about my dad," I started. I told them more about it, watching as their faces morphed into those of anger and disgust. By the end, I could feel the back of my eyes burning. I rubbed at them and didn't notice both of my friends coming around the table to hug me. I didn't even have time to prepare myself before I was suddenly getting suffocated.

"Eren! Why didn't you tell us!" Armin whined.

"Yeah,  no matter how much I use to like your dad, I would've beat the shit out if him." Mikasa said.

"You sound like Levi." I accused. Mikasa gave a small giggle and they both rounded the table to get back to their seats. Little did I know that a certain Horseface had been listening in and my life was about to fall into complete and utter chaos.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I said goodbye to my friends as I got out of the car, shutting the door and turning around to look at the looming building in front of me.

The car drove off and I watched as it went, Mikasa and Armin talking in the back seat. I sighed and went into the building, dropping my backpack by the respectionists desk. She nodded her head at me in greetings and I nodded back, turning back around and stuffing my hands in my pockets. I needed to take a walk or something. Some fresh air, a dog to pet. Hell, I'll even take a cigarette if someone offered me one.

I pushed threw the glass doors and started down the sidewalk, pulling my hoodie over my hair. Light gray clouds covered the blue sky like a blanket, the wind and look of it threatening rain. I watched my feet move in front of each other, one after another.

Before I realised it, there were no more bystanders around, passing me. I looked up from the ground to immediatly feel a drop of rain fall onto my nose. I looked around me, trying to see where I was. The sun had long since lowered, leaving just the dark grey clouds and dread swimming through my brain.

I took in my surroundings. Tall, dark buildings surrounded me, looking long since abandoned, yet I knew they weren't. I felt around in my hoodie pocket, grabbing my phone and looking at the time. The bright light illuminated my face and I suddenly felt vulnerable. I turned the brightness down and moved closer to one of the buildings. This was not a good part of the city and I had to leave, soon.

It was 6:23 pm, my battery on 4%. I cursed under my breath and went to the call app, punching in Levis number as quickly as possible. I called and it ringed. And ringed. And ringed. Voicemail.

"Fuck," I said aloud. What I hadn't noticed was the dark figures seeming to get closer to me.

"A pretty, young thing like yourself shouldn't be talking like that." A deep voice came from my right. I flinched and immediately moved back, my shoulder hitting the crumbly cement of the building.

Not knowing what to say or do in the situation, I looked around me, seeing more men walking out of the shadows of allies and other buildings. "Eh- er.. yeah, sorry about that. I was just-" my phone suddenly buzzed in my hand. I looked down to see Levis name flashing across my screen. I quickly swiped the phone and put it up to me ear.

"Hey kid, where are y-" he started.

"Hey, so I seemed to have walked myself into a situation and if you could come get me that would be amazing. I'm on 5th street and-" another buzz interrupted me. I took the phone from my ear and looked at it. The screen was black. Fuck. No no no no. My phone died.

"Was that your boyfriend on the phone there?" The man said. My eyes shot up and I looked around me. There were more than I thought there would be. Where the fuck did they even come from? 

"Oh, uh," I glanced around for a few seconds, body rigid and tense. My natural instincts were telling me that I could either fight and probably get hurt or run and have a chance of them catching me. I thought for a second before looking up at them and smiling. Why the hell was I so scared? What, were they going to rape me? Like I give a shit. 

"No," I said lowly, "Hey, do any of you have a cigarette? I promise to pay you back." I looked at them around me, looking at one of them that seemed to have better phenotypes then the others. He was tall, had dark hair pushed to the side. Brown eyes met mine and I winked. The men hesitated before a few of them quickly pulled out their boxes full of cancer. The guy I was looking at raised his brow at me with a smirk before pulling out a pack and offering me the whole thing. I took it with delicate finger before taking one out and putting it between my lips. He grabbed a black lighter from his jeans' pocket, handing it to me and watching closely as I lit the stick in my mouth. I took smoke into my mouth without actually breathing it in. If I became a spluttering mess in front of these fuck wits, I would definitely look like a little bitch. 

I offered the pack of cigarettes back to the tall man but he shook his head. 

"I'll take my payment in full." He said, crossing his arms. I chuckled quietly, glancing at all the other man around me, looking at me with interest glittering in their eyes. The stick hung from my mouth loosely as I pocketed the box. 

"Sure, whisk me away if you want. I don't have anywhere to be." I said, walking up to him and popping my hip. He slithered his arm around my waist and started walking forward, pulling me with him. 

"Sorry boys, looks like I get the prize tonight. Better luck next time." He called back. I let the cigarette fall from my mouth, smushing it under my heel as I walked. This was going to be a doozy of a night. 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, I said I was going to break so I could stock pile but omg I'm so fucking proud of the next chapter lmao it sounds like it was actually written well (weird right?) Anyway, this one is kind of trash because I wanted to finish it quickly I'm so fucking sorry but I'll post the next one on saterday I pinky promise so please don't hate me >~< until next time my loves


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With every little word said, it reminds me of you, the shape of his lips match yours ever so perfectly when saying words that you would never utter. His teeth that are shaped almost exactly like yours help him outline words that you would never think. His glasses glint with sunshine when all yours did was reflect the rain. I think back to a time when I let you rule me and don't know why I smile and let the tears flow because even with someone so much better, I miss the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking lied I'm so fucking sowwy I couldn't wait till Saterday lmao

His name was Josh. He was 17 at the time. He took me to a building that looked as if it hadn't been renovated since the 1900's. Stains adorned the carpet here and there, making the place look dirtier then it was. I lulled my head to the side away from him as he lead me into the apartment. It smelled like moldy lavender. 

Josh left me to stand in the front entry as he went into a small kitchen, retrieving a drink for himself.

"Dont make yourself too comfortable princess, you wont be staying out here for long." He said. I didn't answer, looking around the living space. The living room was small, with a few doors leading off to a single bedroom and bathroom and a closet. The carpet had visible stains adorning it in multiple spots and the walls looked like t hey were peeling in some spots. Honestly, what did I expect? A five star hotel? I sighed, slipping off my jacket and throwing it on the ugly couch.

Josh came back in with his drink, the liquid sloshing around as he moved.

"You drink at all?" He asked me. I thought for a second before shrugging my shoulders. What the hell, I might as well. He raised an eyebrow at me and gave a small smile. "Ya know, you don't have to wait by the door like some dog. Me casa, su casa, or whatever the saying is. I don't get a lot of visitors so mind the mess." He said, downing his drink. He placed the glass on the small coffee table in front of the couch and walked forward.

As he walked towards me, images of Levi crept into my mind. What would he say if he was here right now? What would he do if he didn't have a choice in what they did. My eyebrows furrowed. No. I was not going to be a vanilla little bitch anymore. If I was going to do something, I was going to do it my way.

I toed off my shoes and met him half way. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him down, smashing our mouths together and barely scrapping teeth. I cringed slightly but carried on, shoving my tongue through his lips and tasting him. Whiskey and peppermint. Not a bad taste but not amazing either.

Josh was still for a moment before kissing back, allowing my tongue in more smoothly but fighting it with his own. A sudden and hot urge from the pit of my stomach make me want more than just this. I pushed him back until his knees hit the couch and he fell back. I quickly went down with him, straddling his lap and putting my hands on the sides of his head. I could feel his erection rub against me, making me smirk against his mouth. I wanted this. I missed this. It's been ages since my father has taken me and I honestly wish I could be punished in some way for being such a piece of shit these past few weeks. 

I rolled my hips against his lap and enjoyed the sounds of pleasure he let out as I did. I guess he had had enough of my teasing as he slithered his large arms around my waist and hoisted me upward, a hum coming from my throat. Our lips were still conjoined as he walked forward, kicking a door open. We entered a dark room that I could only assume was his bedroom. A spike of arousal shot through me and I could feel it all through my body. My hands tingled in anticipation and my feet wanted to jolt around, excitement over taking me. Somehow, even with the feeling sliding around in me, I still somehow felt... awful, for this. 

My legs unwrapped from around him as he dropped me onto an uncomfortable feeling mattress that's springs were loose and creaky. I rolled my eyes slightly at the thought of the bed frame knocking against the wall like in those shitty Rom-com shows. I watched with sultry eyes as  his dark figure closed the door and started stripping off his shirt, getting closer, a thump at every step. 

"Time to have some fun." He said, talking to himself more then me. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes burned with lack of moister as I stared at the stained ceiling of Josh's apartment. I watched as wisps of smoke slowly circled above me, a small glow coming from the tip of his cigarette along with his phone. I turned my head on the pillow to look at the tanned back in front of me, a large sigh escaping me. I turned on my side, looking at the digital clock on the bed side table. 

_9:47 pm._

A sudden panic infiltrated my body and I could feel my stomach drop. I quickly pushed the warm covers off my body and swung my legs over the side of the squeaky bed, my bare feet on the frigid ground making me shiver slightly. As I stood up, I could feel the sudden pain in my hips shoot through me like a bullet. Ignoring it, I quickly located my pants, the jingle of my belt making Josh look up from his phone. 

"Leaving already?" He asked. I grunted in response as I pulled the pants on. 

"I have homework, and I'd bet my ass I'm going to get scolded for being out so late." I explained to him. He was quiet and looked on with slight suspicion. 

"You don't seem to be the type to do homework," he said, "or care about the rules." He added. I tugged my shirt over my head and looked at my arms for a second. My bandages had come loose slightly when Josh had gotten more frisky. I ran my hand up and down my arm lightly as I left the room, the old habit coming back as my brain was on slight over drive from being out so late and not telling Levi. I felt... naked. I felt dirty, cold, and naked. I grabbed my jacket from the stained couch and tugged it on over my head. I hadn't hear the light padding of feet that came up behind me. Newly familiar arms wrapped around me once again, more comforting than I'd like to admit. 

I leaned my head back onto him with a sigh, thinking about how much shit I was probably in for being out so late. "Thanks for the payment, Toots." He said to me. I hummed and closed my eyes for a moment. I was so... tired. My body felt heavy and my eyelids wanted to stay shut, but I knew that I had to go. I moved away from him, making my way towards the door. I pulled on my scuffed converse and grabbed at the door knob. As I made a move to leave, I took one last glance back at the shirtless teen, standing alone in the middle of his living room. I felt bad for leaving like this, but it couldn't be helped. I had to go. He gave me a slight nod of his head and I waved back. 

"I'll see you around." I told him. This was not a promise, but I wish it was. I crossed through the door and shut it, not moving from the spot for a second. I looked at the unclean ground and sighed. ' _Its just one foot in front of the other, Eren_.' I shut my eyes and started walking forward, opening them after a few steps. I made my way down the street, through an intersection and took a few turns. For a while, I honestly had no clue as to where I was and found no harm in lighting a cigarette. Josh had completely forgotten about giving me the pack, so I was left with a half empty box of cancer and a black and orange lighter. Great. I bit at the filter and breathed it in slightly, letting the burn of the nicotine fill my lungs. I blew out the small amount of smoke that I had consumed.

 As I walked I slowly took more and more amounts of smoke in and let it out. The taste of the smoke lingered on my tongue, leaving a odd taste in my throat. Soon, after I flicked the butt onto the ground and stepped on it with my heel, I realized that I was close to my destination. I jogged up to the building and quickly slipped inside the large doors, making sure that the receptionist was not around before grabbing my bag from next to her desk and pressing the up button on the elevator. Panic was slowly starting to creep into the corners of my vision as I stepped onto the lift and watched the numbers slowly rise until I reached my floor. By the time I was in front of the apartment door, I felt like I couldn't breath. 

I took a deep breath before reaching into my pocket and grabbing my key, pressing it into the lock and turning it, prepared for the worse. As I pushed the door open, I noticed that the lights were off. I let out a relieved sigh as I placed my bag next to the door and toed off my shoes. I quietly made my way to my room, trying to avoid the creaks in the hardwood. As I was about to enter the room, I noticed a dim light coming from a small crack in the door. Why my rooms door was open, even slightly, was curious to me. I pushed it open very lightly, looking inside. 

Levi was sitting on my bed, looking at his phone. He had his legs crossed as he bit his nails. My eyes widened a fraction as I contemplated on what to do. Did I still smell like smoke? Well no shit, Sherlock. If I walked in, would he be mad at me? What if he was waiting for me so that he could kick me out? What would I even say to him if he asked me where I had been? Do I lie? Obviously. What other choices do I have other than to go and confront him? I cant hide from him forever! 

I wanted to let out a frustrated sigh, but instead I just closed my eyes. God fucking damn it. I literally just wanted to sleep. I ran a hand up and down my clothed arm. _'Fuck. Alright. You can do this. You're fine. How hard is it to talk to your roommate/crush/legal guardian type person? Not hard at all. Yeah, you got this.'_ I told myself. I took a quiet deep breath through my nose before pushing the door open more, stepping into the room. 

Levi's head shot up, staring me dead in the eyes. I stood there for a moment before letting out a quiet "Hello." He got up from my bed, completely forgetting about his phone. As he got closer, my panic grew. Was he going to hit me? I deserved it. What if he smells me and thinks I'm disgusting? What if he finds out about what I did in the past few hours? What if's and what if's and what if's kept pounding into my thoughts and I hadn't realized I was  squeezing my eyes shut, that I was clenching my fists, preparing for an attack that was not coming. I didn't realize tears were flowing down my cheeks until I felt soft  hands on my face, gently wiping at the wetness.

"I-I'm sorry," I choked out, "I'm so sorry." What I was apologizing for, I didn't know.  Levi shushed me quietly and moved forward, wrapping his arms around my body. His actions made Josh's face pop into my head, making me remember what I had done tonight. Making me remember how disgusting I feel.  A loud sob escaped me and I quickly hugged him back, shoving my face in his neck in order to muffle my whimpers. I could feel one of his hands rub my back while another went up to run through my hair. I looked at the ground, tears dripping down my cheeks and chin, staining Levi's shirt. The small light coming from my desk lamp was blurred and all the objects around me looked smeared. 

After standing there for what felt like hours, just hugging the smaller male, my sobs finally fell silent. My body was shaking with the effort to stand, I could feel the warmth of his body lulling me to sleep. I hadn't noticed that I was leaning all of my weight onto Levi until he suddenly moved away from me slightly and I was jolted awake. 

"Lets get you to bed." He said lightly. I nodded and walked forward on unsure feet. Levi still had his arm around my waist as I went, making sure I didn't fall. I stumbled onto the comfortable bed  with a sigh. I closed my eyes, not really caring about my clothes. It felt nice to feel the soft sheets beneath me as I shut my eyes, slowly drifting away from consciousness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I slowly open my eyes and stare the clock on my desk. The lamp was off now, my unfinished homework sitting there forgotten. 

_9:23 am_

My head started to buzz with fear as I just kept staring. No, this wasn't correct. Maybe it means pm? There is no way I'm late for school. If that were true, I'd have no way of actually getting there. If I'm late to school, my father would surely... Wait. My I don't live with my father. But, Levi would still be mad surely? 

I pushed the covers off of me and got up from the bed quickly. Immediately, my vision became blurry with dizziness and a shot of pain moved through my lower back. Fuck, I hadn't felt this shitty since one of the first times my father ever drunkenly threw me into his bed and- no, you know what? I'm not going to think about that.

I walked over to my desk and and looked down to find a note that I hadn't noticed before. I cautiously picked it up with a gentle grip as I read the neat handwriting. 

      _Eren,_

 _I know you had a pretty rough night. If you do not want to go to school today, that is okay with me. I have contacted your school and told them that you might not be coming in today if that is what you decide to do. When I get home I would like to have a discussion about whatever happen to you yesterday. You_ _seemed to have been very distraught._

                                                                            _Rest Well,_

                                                                                _Levi._

I read the letter over a few times. I couldn't shake the feeling of dread from my body, even with the knowledge that I'm... fine. Yeah, I'm fine. Swell. 

I opened one of my desk drawers and placed the letter inside. I turned to the rest of my room, scratching right below my collarbone. Wait. I looked down to see that I was standing in just my jeans. When had I taken off my shirt? I thought back to last night, not remembering taking it off. I thought for a moment before the image of Levi taking it off for me made my face feel like it was on fire. I suddenly felt very gross, different bodily fluids probably covering me. I ventured out of my room, looking around to see that I actually was all alone. I entered the bathroom, turning on the shower faucet. As I waited for it to warm, I searched around for my phone, eventually coming up short. I thought back to the night and where I could've dropped it. I snapped my fingers as I remembered my jacket feeling light when after I put it on at Josh's house. 

I tugged my jeans and boxers off my body, the pack of cigarettes and lighter falling to the floor. I was suddenly very glad that Levi hadn't tried taking off my pants, even if I did wake up kind of uncomfortable. I placed both items on the counter and entered the shower, feeling the warm water make its way through my hair and run down my body. As I washed my body, I thought back to past events. What would I tell Levi when he asks about yesterday? I'm obviously not going to tell him that I slept with some stranger just because he had given me something that was also illegal for me to have. Maybe I'll tell him that I just got lost on the streets and had to wander for a while before eventually finding my way back and when I was out there, I started thinking about my father or something and I couldn't control my emotions. Damn, with all the acts I've been putting on recently, I should be an actor when I'm older. And as for the phone deal, I would have to go visit Josh later today and try and see if I did lose it there. Would that be awkward? Should I send someone else to do it for me? No, then they would ask me how it ended up there in the first place. I sighed, washing the conditioner out of my hair and doing a once over before deeming myself clean and turning the water off. 

I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist before grabbing my discarded clothes and items and making my way back to my room, still thinking to myself. Did I want to go to school today? No, not particularly. Maybe I could go and get my phone since everyone is gone. Once I made it back to my room. I took the towel from my waist and rubbed the rest of my body to dry faster. I felt much better, fresher even. I looked into the full-length mirror next to my dresser and turned to the side, looking at my stomach and touching it. I was too much bone and not enough muscle.

I threw my towel onto my bed and studied my body. I honestly have no idea what anyone would see in me. My hair is always a mess and my eyes are so fucking big. My body looks like a stick other then my legs and all these damn scars... I sighed and licked my dry lips. Disgusting. This is the reason Levi will never like you back. You're too stupid to find love. I glanced over at the clock.

 _11:01 am_.

It was nearing lunch yet I wasn't hungry at all. I took one last look into the mirror before turning away and digging through my drawers, looking for something decent to wear. Once I actually found something I liked, I threw it on and rubbed my discarded towel at my hair. Once I deemed it dry enough, I brushed threw it and left me room in search of something to do.

I wandered around the large interior of the apartment for a bit, looking in the rooms and finding some neat stuff. The only door I didn't go near was Erwin's. I didn't know him at all and I wasn't about to go snooping in his room.

I did however go into Levi's. No surprise there. As I turned the doorknob to enter the only slightly familiar room, a sudden feeling of exciment mixed with being scared of being caught rushed down my spine. I pushed the door open and I reveled in the musky smell of Levi that washed over me immediatly. I took a few more steps in before shutting the door behind me.

Looking around the pristine room, I was amazed at how clean it was. I knew Levi was a clean freak, he tended to straighten up and clean my old house. It was appreciated but I never really got the joy out of it like he did.

The room had white walls with a few objects adorning them. A cork board hung near his bed with Polaroids and other small pictures that probably held meaning as well. The white carpet felt soft under my feet, the complete opposite from what Joshes felt like. The bed, as expected, was made neatly, not a single wrinkle on the white sheets or neatly folded fuzzy black comforter. The ebony bed frame stood put against the pale sheets. Bright mid-day light shone through the twin windows on either side of the bed, setting a soft glow to the scene.

Everything seemed to have a black and white scheme, like a futuristic retro movie. A black desk sat in the corner, objects neatly placed on top of it while a flat screen T.V. hung next to it on the wall. A black and white dresser was pushed against the wall near the door facing the bed. A few things were on top of the piece of furniture such as deodorant, a comb, a book, amongst other things.

After observing the room, I realized that I didn't want to touch or snoop in anything in fear of making any type of mess. I stood there for a short while, taking in the surrounding area as my nose got use to the scent of it all. After what felt like an agonizingly short minute, I left the room and made my way to the door.

I needed to pay Josh a short visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayee. I'm actually so proud of this chapter because it was actually written like a person instead of a 3 year old? Maybe? Idk. There might be a few grammatical errors but I'll fix this all up later. Now that I've posted the 2 chapters I've been working on, it's probably time for a long ass break because I'm a piece of shit and cant get shit done lmao. I mean, I'll try to work on it but damn am I lazy. Thank you for reading my loves~ see you next chapter~


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :E

I stared up at the old wooden door that I didn't seem to want to knock on, my hand raised slightly in a weak fist. I kept looking at the old dirty wood and raise the hand in order to do the most simple task, yet my body is betraying my mind in order to stand here like a fucking loser. 

I shake my head away from whatever trance I was in and raised my fist once more. It easy, just ask for your phone and leave, its simple. I took a deep breath before finally rasping on the door. My breath had stopped and my stomach clenched. My toes grabbed at my shoe in fear of the unknown. I lowered my fist and waited, the feeling in my stomach never ceasing. I waited for what felt like ages before suddenly a lock was being unhinged from behind the door and it cracked open enough for an eye to peek out. It looked me up and down before closing for a second while a different lock was undone. Anxiety rolled around inside of me as it opened wide enough for me to see a familiar figure standing in front of me. 

"Well well well," Josh said, leaning on the door frame, "you come running back so soon? I would have thought you would've waited at least 12 hours." He smirked at me and I rolled my eyes, trying to hide the fear bubbling up inside me. 

"I left my phone here," I said, "I need it back." He looked me up and down silently, the smirk falling from his face slowly. A sigh escaped him as he pushed off the frame and turned around making his way deeper into the apartment, leaving the door open for me to follow through. Why not, I thought to myself. I entered and shut the door behind me. 

I felt myself get pushed up against a wall immediatly, large hands running up my body. Air escaped me and left me gasping. Cold and moist hands slid beneath the hem of my shirt, tugging it upward. The feeling made me come back to my senses before trying to wriggle out of his hold.

"S-stop," I tried, "I came here for my phone, not to hook up." A knee pushed my legs aside and found it's way pressed against the inside of my thighs. Water emerged from an unknown spring behind my eyes, my thoughts going into overdrive, being reminded of events still fresh in my mind. All the warmth in my body felt like it had been flushed out, leaving me shivering. 

I tried to push him away, putting pressure on his chest. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head.

"Come on, Baby, you didn't say anything last night." He growled into my ear, hovering his wanting lips above the sensitive skin on my neck. I turned my head away from him, hiding the tears that felt as if they would spill over any second. I breathed hard, my chest moving rapidly, my breath trying to escape through clenched teeth. 

I held my breath as a warm, wet tongue slid over the sensitive skin of my neck. I felt disgusted as it ran its way side to side, Josh moving downward, his hands still touching underneath my shirt. My body immediately felt dirty, the same kind of dirty as it did last night. I didn't realize that the tears had been slipping down my face until I tasted salt and a hiccup came from my mouth. A face popped into my head in that moment, a face that has been there for me since I was little, would kiss my scrapes when my mother couldn't, would wipe my tears when my father wouldn't. I wish that he would love me the way I love him. I wish people would respect me, and my thoughts, opinions, body. I wish people would see me as a human being the way that Mikasa, Armin and Levi did. I wish I wasn't me. I wish I was dead. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I found myself staring at a newly familiar ceiling, one I didn't think I'd have to ever see again after last night. The bed felt cold and void next to me. I turned my head to the side to see a new pack of cigarettes and a lighter sitting there. I reached over with no thought and plucked one out, lighting it with ease and breathing in the fumes. The feeling in my throat had me coughing slightly before the smoke was sliding easily into my lungs and letting out smoothly.

Empty.

I felt empty. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'll see ya later, Hot Stuff." His rugged voice said from somewhere behind me. I hummed lowly in return. With cancer hanging from my mouth, disgust in my stomach, and a new number in my phone I headed out of the apartment once more. 

I doubt this would be the last time I ever showed up here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I watched the clock turn to  3:12, footsteps parading around outside my room. I didn't want to talk with Levi. I didn't want to have to look him in the eyes and lie to his face, because we all know that's what I had to do.

I grabbed my phone and turned my back to the door. I hadn't changed or even showered for a second time, the smell of sex, sweat, and cigarettes still fresh on my skin and clothes. I rolled in my sheets, feeling the never ending grime on my skin stick to the cloth.

I scrolled through Instagram, mindlessly looking at pictures and liking them sometimes. A sharp pounding was aching at the back of my head, making me grind my teeth. I didn't do anything about it. What could I do.

A small knock on the door made me flinch.

"Eren?" Levi said from the other side, "May I come in?" I sighed and sat up from my spot on my bed.

"One moment please," I called back. I quickly took my clothes off, going to my closet and grabbing a sweater and shorts. I bundled up the filthy clothes and dug through my hamper in order to place them at the bottom. I took some axe and sprayed it onto myself, also opening my window in hopes of airing out the filthy smell.

I layed back onto my bed before finally allowing him to come in.

He stood in the door way for a moment, eyeing me up and down, no emotion playing on his face. When he stepped forward I watched his eyebrow twitch. I looked down, avoiding his eyes. He totally smelled how disgusting I am.  

He didn't say anything, he just kept walking towards me, sitting on the bed near my legs making the bed dip. He turned his head towards me, luring me into looking at him. I hesitated for a second before saying fuck it and looked up at him. I made immediate eye contact- smiling as I did so to further the illusion that I was so poorly holding up that I was happy. He held my eyes for a moment before glancing down at my bare legs. His eyebrow raised along with his hand, suddenly getting placed on my thigh. My eyes widened for a moment as my body went rigid, waiting for whatever he was about to do. 

Glancing back up at me, he hummed while retracting his hand. My body relaxed, probably visibly.

"So, Eren," He said, looking away, "I would like to know what you were so heart broken about last night."

I looked away, doing anything I could to avoid looking at him any further. I didn't know what to do, should I lie? Tell the truth? Just not respond?

"I..." I started, still debating on what to say, "I don't know. Nothing I guess? I just- I just got caught up in some stuff, nothing important..." I explained half-heatedly. I could tell without looking at Levi's face that he didn't buy what I was saying. I couldn't tell him though, I didn't think I'd ever be able to. I grabbed my phone from beside me and started fidgeting with the buttons on the side. I couldn't handle the way he was looking at me, like his eyes were boring into my forehead, trying to see what was actually going on in my mind. 

He was silent for awhile, processing what I had said and probably thinking of some way to get the truth out of me. He was always good at getting what he wanted from me, it's not like I really put up a fight against him, for obvious reasons. 

"Okay," he said, getting up from the bed, somehow making me feel colder then I was a moment ago. I hated that he could do that to me by just moving away from me. "If that's how you feel then I wont bother you about it anymore." He said this while moving away from the bed, making his way for the door. I didn't want him to leave though, I wanted him to pursuade me into saying what was really wrong. I wanted someone to hear what I had to say, needed it off my chest. 

He walked out of my room and shut the door with a thud. It was too late now. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked into the school that morning with Mikasa and Armin at my side, making idle conversation with each other. I stayed quiet, letting them talk while I let the events from all of yesterday run through my head again and again. My phone felt heavy in my pocket. I walked to my locker, separating from the pair with a 'see ya later'. 

As I was putting the code in for the lock I felt a pressure on my lower back and I found myself bouncing off the cold metal of the wall of lockers, dropping my bag. I turned harshly, anger quickly boiling in my stomach ready to lurch up my throat. I was met with amber eyes and a stupidly long face. 

"What the fuck, Horse Face?" I half-yelled. I wasn't unlike Jean to be an asshole but shoving me into a fucking locker hurt me emotionally more then physically. I thought we were at least somewhat friends. 

"Oh shut it," he said smugly, "you don't mind that much, do you?" He leaned into my ear, "I'm sure your dad did a lot better then I could and you didn't say much to that, now did you." My eyes widened at his words and I shoved him away, balling my fists. I ignored the crowd that circled us, Jeans little gang hanging back with them, coaxing him further with their sounds of agreement. 

I could feel tears well up in my eyes, "Says the guy that looks like he sleeps in a barn and eats hay out of a tub." I retorted. I wasn't going to let this dumbass get the better of me. I felt something hit my head. I looked down to see a crumpled ball of homework. I picked it up and looked towards around at the group of people watching us. "Really?" I asked.

"Everybody knows, Eren." Jean said, crossing his arms. I furrowed my eyebrows and finally let the tears fall, grabbing my backpack from the ground and pushing past him, colliding shoulders and making him have to turn. I hurried down the hall and up the stairs to my first period class, quickly getting to my seat and putting my stuff down before running to the bathroom and locking myself in the stall, sitting down on the probably uncleaned toilet. Luckily there was no one else in there to hear my quiet wails. I cried and cried for what felt like a few seconds before the bell rang. I didn't move from my spot, keeping my hands over my face to hide my emotions from nobody. 

_You're trash._

_You're worthless._

_You're nothing._  

My fathers voice played in my head, repeating the same things that he said to me on the worse nights when he didn't feel like touching me but yelling instead. At some point I tried to hide from his fists, from his words, by tucking myself away in the closet or under my bed. He didn't find me the first times but always got angrier and punished me harder the next time. 

 _Why does everyone hate me?_  I thought to myself, _why does the world seem to want me to suffer?_  I picked at my arms, the picking became rubbing and rubbing became scratching, the healing cuts that I had been doing so well to avoid opened up and blood splattered my arm, dripping onto the floor. I fell silent, tears still spilling from my eyes but my voice now quiet. I kept going, not caring about the mess that was compiling underneath me. I just wanted to hurt myself on my own terms, not to feel the emotional pain that everyone seemed to love giving me but the physical pain that I apparently deserved. 

I kept going until I heard the door open up, and footsteps tapped against the tiled floor. 

"Eren?" I heard from outside the door. It was Armin. I looked down at my arm then back up to the door.  _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Do I answer? Do I ignore him and act like it's not m-_

"Eren I know its you, I can see your shoes." I looked down at my shoes to see 'property of M+A' written on the large white area at the top of the shoe on the left and 'Hands off!' written on the right.  _Shit, I forgot they did that._

I didn't want him to hear my probably choked up voice so I had to hum in agreement that it was me. 

"Why aren't you in class? Mrs. Spears in going to mark you as tardy." He asked me. I didn't see anyway to get out of this situation so I cleared my throat and grabbed some toilet paper. I wiped my damp cheeks before putting it onto my arm, trying to clean up as much as possible before having to face him.

"I think I ate something this morning that wasn't any good. My ass is on fire. I'll be out in a short while." I lied, surprised at how normally level my voice was. Sure it wasn't 100% but it was better then sounding like I had my voice box ripped out which is normally how I sound after I cry. 

There was a some hesitance in his voice when he said okay. "I saw you come in earlier and I just wanted to come and check up on you. I'll be heading off the class now." He didn't sound convinced. I hummed again and listened as his footsteps retreated and the heavy door swing open with a squeak and close slowly . I sighed before uncovering my arm to look at the mess. The bleeding had stopped from me putting pressure on it so I unlocked the stall and walked to the sinks, turning on a faucet and watching as the excess blood fell away. 

It was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For how long the wait was, its a pretty fuckin short chapter. I knew what I wanted to do but I just didnt know how I wanted to write it. But hey! since schools out now and its summer break I'm going to try and write a lot more and get a few chapters out before the end ! I wuv u pwease dont hate me UwU <3 until next time ;)


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chill I guess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hewwo!! So I kinda go into detail in the story about Erens school schedule but not enough so I just wanna make it clear. He has 8 periods a day and (not including Lunch) and they are all 45 minutes long. 1st Period he has study hall, 2nd is math, 3rd is PE, 4th is Art, 5th is when he TA's for Mrs. Hornest, 6th is English then he has lunch, 7th is Science, and finally he has Yearbook. I just wanted to make that clear in case any of you get confused or anything. (disclaimer: I'm using my old middle schools time schedule but this is kinda made up I cant really remember my classes all that well (even though I go and see my math teacher on his birthday still since its close to mine lmao) and none of the teachers names are real. Also later in the chapter a song plays, so when you see the bold (X), click it if you wanna listen. Okay enjoy I love u)

I wipe of the dust on my ass after getting up from the dirt, some of jeans friends walking away from me laughing. I sneered at their backs and grabbed my lunch from a few feet away and made my way back inside, ignoring everyone that seemed to be staring at me. Anger boiled in my stomach as I pushed the back doors to the school open. Honestly, this shit was getting annoying as hell. My mother told me when I was younger to never hit anyone, ever, even if they start it. I never listened to her when I was a kid but when she died I took her words to heart in honor of her and her amazing nature.

Man was that coming to bite me in the dick.

I walked down the hall, making a few turns before entering the cafeteria and quickly heading to the table Mikasa, Armin, and me usually sat at. The two of them were already there, along with a few of my other friends. Ya' see, Mikasa and Armin are my best friends, I've known them since diapers, but I do infact have a few other friends (I know, hard to believe). Connie- A kinda short guy with a buzz-cut and brown eyes, very funny guy if I do say so myself.  I befriended him on the playground one day when I saw Jean being an asshole and stealing his chalk. I of course stepped in and smacked him on the cheek. That didn't end well for me and Jean but I gained a different friend. Sasha- Brown hair always pulled back into a pony tail and brown eyes, always, always eating. I met her in 5th grade. She would come up to me everyday and ask if I was going to eat my cookie. I almost always was so I gave her my cheese stick instead. And last but certainly not least-- Marco! He had black hair, the most freckles, like ever, and the best personality I have ever seen. He is literally always smiling and I don't think has ever been rude to anyone in his entire life. 

I walked up to the table and sat down in my usual spot. (Almost) Everyone greeted me hello when I did (with the exception of Sasha who was, infact, shoveling her face with mashed potato's from the cafeteria line). I greeted them back and offered Sasha my lunch with the excuse that I wasn't hungry. I wasn't really, I hadn't been for a few days. She took it without question and put it to the side for when she was done with her potato's. Armin immediately jumped into conversation with me, forgetting about the conversation he was having with Marco a few seconds ago about some book that I've never heard about.  

I made normal conversation with them, not letting the depression that was overwhelming my mind show in my face or words. Everyone talked and talked until the bell rang and we all went our separate ways, saying our see ya's and later's. I had my next class alone (which sucked), science. I dragged my feet on the ground as I made my way to the class room, not really prepared to listen to the teacher drag on and on about icy-tops or whatever frozen treat she liked to teach us about- I dunno. 

Honestly the worst part about the class is that Jean was in it, and he sat just one person to my left away. 

I groaned out loud as I was about to enter the class room, making a few of the teachers standing outside their doors look at me. I entered the class room and made my way to my seat, ignoring the feeling of eyes piercing my skin. The bell rang and the teacher started, ignoring the stragglers that came in late. I swear I was trying my best to listen to what she was saying, trying to memorize the oh so random fucking letters that represented the elements on that dumbass table. I swear to god, they keep telling me that scientists are hot shit but the work they 'deduce' is the dumbest shit I've seen. Anyway, I was trying to listen when I felt something wet hit the back of my neck. I shiver ran up my spine as the wet something-or-another turned cold on my neck. I quickly pulled my sleeve over my hand and wiped whatever it was off. I looked at my sleeve to see a spit ball adorning the black clothe. I started to shake it off me when I felt another one hit the same spot. I quickly turned around and saw one of Jeans lackies spitting another wad of paper into his dismembered mechanical pencil. He saw me looking at him and stopped, quickly putting his make-do spitball launcher down and looking away innocently. I sneered at him before turning back to the teacher that seemed to be oblivious to the situation. 

I was writing down 'important' notes when a crumpled piece of paper hit my shoulder and bounced in front of me. I raised an eyebrow at it before grabbing and un-fucking it up. I didn't expect something to actually be on it but written in big bold letters were the words "DICK SUCKING FAGGOT" I read it quickly before crumpling it back up and shoving it into my binder, looking around in hopes that no one saw it. 

I almost got through the rest of the class without incident, actually trying to listen and ignoring the whispers that seemed to be louder then even the teacher. As the teacher was passing out a few papers before the bell rang Jean raised his hand, waiting patiently for her to be done. When she looked up from passing out papers, she finally called on him. 

"Yes, Jean?" she sighed, already sounding tired. 

"Mrs. Hornest, it smells kinda bad over here," he said, smirking, "I think its coming from Jeager, could you please tell him to close his legs?" 

My head shot up to look at him, my eyes widening and my face heated up with embarrassment and anger. I heard a few snickers from the people behind me and few from in front. He looked at me with a smug smile before looking back to the teacher. She sighed and looked from me to him. 

"Well?" She asked me, gesturing me with her hand. 

"Shut the fuck up, Horse Shit." I half-muttered. A few more giggles and a small gasp came from around me.  _Whoops did I just say that in front of a teacher._  I thought sarcastically.

"There's your answer." Mrs. Hornest said to Jean. He gaped at her before glancing at me. I don't think he knows I'm her 5th Period TA. I let a small huff of a laugh out before continuing to put my stuff away. The bell finally rang and I headed out of the room, waving the teacher goodbye. I honestly really love Mrs. Hornest. She was like, the coolest teacher in the school. She has put up with so much shit and continues to do so everyday. Shes in like her mid twenties and I relate with her so god damn much its crazy. I TA for her during her passing period so there's 0 students in there with us and we basically just talk for 45 minutes and she sometimes has me grade papers. Best part of my day. Unfortunately, that means that I cant skip out on science class since she already knows I'm there. 

I was heading to my last class before stopping and moving to the side of the hallway, out of peoples way. I leaned onto the wall of lockers and debated in my head. I felt like shit. Coming to school nowadays was so emotionally tiring. Before, I was physically tired and school was my only way to escape my father but now he wasn't waiting at home for me. The danger isn't there anymore. Its here. The place I use to think was the only highlight of my day was now making me feel like I was dying. I sighed and told myself fuck it. I didn't really give a shit about yearbook and my friends in that class can survive a day without me. My page could wait.

I turned around and made my way down the stairs, making an immediate left out of the doors. I walked out of the school and continued off the property. Last year they made us take a course on learning about laws and learning about drugs and alcohol blah blah blah, and one of the ones they really had pounded into our heads was truancy and how if you ditched you could get put in jail or something like that, I didn't pay much attention. This thought ran through my head as I walked away from the building but honestly, I didn't really care in that moment. I kept walking until I came across a little park that I saw a lot but always ignored. By small I mean it had 3 benches in total and about 4 trees. A little fountain sat in front of a gazebo, with closer inspection it had a few coins littering the bottom of it. I patted my pockets a bit and felt a little lucky when I felt a couple loose coins in my pocket. I pulled a dime out and looked at it. It was kinda old, but it was still shiny. Not amazingly so but it was trying its best.  _I wish..._ I thought to myself, _I wish life would just... go my way for once._  I flipped the coin into the water, watching as it splashed into the water and sunk to the bottom with the others. 

I watched  the water for a while, the soothing motion of the liquid moving side to side made my heart rate seem to slow, but the thoughts parading around my head made me feel like I was falling. My feet were planted firmly on the ground but my head was spinning and my legs were numb. Why does it seem that everyone wants me to be in so much pain? Why does Jean feel the need to make my life so shit? Why does he think its my fault my dad was a piece of shit? Or maybe it was my fault. Maybe I do deserve everything that life has put on my plate. Every single thing that has been put in front of me... Why?

Questions, questions, and more questions. But never answers. 

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. It was nearing the time for school to get out, just enough time for me to get back. I started in the right direction and watched the ground as I walked, still with degrading thoughts piercing my brain in every aspect of my being. 

I finally made it back to the school just seconds before the bell rang and kids were soon exiting through every door to get home and cars were piling into the parking lot to pick up their children. I looked at the doors to the front of school and debated going in to find Mikasa and Armin. I also needed to go get my backpack with the rest of my homework in it. If I went in, I could run into Jean or some other asshole that would just adore making my life a living hell. I sighed and finally agreed with myself to go in. I had last period with Mikasa and Armin so they are defiantly going to ask why I wasn't there today. I'll just say that I was tired and took a nap in the nurses. 

As it turned out, I didn't run into anyone and stayed close to the walls in order to do so. I soon found Mikasa and Armin and told them my excuse. Soon enough I was getting out of                   Mrs. Ackerman's car and thanking her for the ride as I usually did and saying bye to my friends, walking up the short few steps to the apartment. I finally found myself in the large living space taking off my shoes. Once they were off  I quickly made my way to my room, giving a small greeting to Erwin sitting on the couch reading something. I shut the door with a thud and quickly changed out of my school clothes to something more suitable for a nap and closed all my blinds, trying to hide away from the harsh world that seemed to never leave me alone. I laid down on my bed and pulled the covers over me, grabbing my phone and going to instagram in hopes to distract myself. 

I wish I was dead. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Levi's POV :)

I heard the door to the apartment open and shut and a small whimper of a hello before another door was being closed. I sighed and looked down at the unfinished calculus homework sitting in front of me, the muscles in my hand unwilling to actually write anymore dumbass equations. I threw the the pencil down and got up from my seat, walking over to my bed and belly flopping onto the comfortable mattress, the comforter fluffing up around me as I did. I turned my face to stare at the wall. 

I don't know why Eren didn't want to tell me what was wrong the other night. I had tried calling him back multiple times after he had disconnected. He had sounded almost alarmingly panicked before suddenly quiet and the call sounded off. Every time I pressed the call button it would just send me to voicemail. I started getting anxious immediately, putting on my jacket and shoes and going out in search of him. I walked around town for hours, even asking people that looked like they had been milling about for a while if they had seen a young kid with brown hair and bluish eyes. I had gotten a no every time before I ended up in a bad part of town. That was when I finally got some sort of clue. 

"Oh, that kid?" A gruff looking man said, "Yeah I saw em', walkin' around all by his lonesome. Roger and his pals finally caught up to em' and he ended up going with Josh if I reckon'. Looked like too good of a kid to be in these parts and they sure did jump on that fact," he chuckled. I had to resist the urge to sock him in the jaw at that point, thanking him instead for his time and walking away, glad to get away from the smell of cigarettes. I wondered around for another length of time in hopes of seeing him but eventually made my way home, giving Erwin a goodnight as soon as I entered. I ended up sitting in Eren's room for an hour while checking my phone every other minute in hopes that he'd call me back eventually. He never did. 

Suddenly he just appeared in the doorway with a guilty expression and a disheveled appearance. A sense of relief washed over me and I immediately got up from my spot, forgetting about my phone and trying my best not to run to him. He flinched, tears sprouting from his eyes in pure fear. I stopped in front of him for a second, taking in his apparent situation before making up my mind in a split second and wrapping my arms around the brunet in a hug. He was frozen for a moment before wrapping himself around me and shoving his face into my neck. I held him closer to me, slithering my hand up to his head and running slim fingers through messy hair. He sobbed, hard and loud, never letting go of me once. I took in the smell of smoke, sweat, and other fluids that seemed to emit from him. I furrowed my brow and closed my eyes, determined not to let him go until he was ready to. 

He basically fell asleep in my arms, leaning all of weight onto me. I didn't mind, he wasn't very heavy if I was being honest. I walked him over to his bed and laid him down. I wasn't surprised when he immediately passed out. I looked down at him with a sigh and really took him in for a moment. His lithe frame looked crumpled and broken, his hair even more messy then it usually was. I glared down at his body, mad at him but also mad at myself for letting something like this happen. I could guess what happened. I had gotten more then enough clues. I rolled my eyes and started at his sweater, pulling it over his head and folding it neatly before placing it aside. I did the same with his shirt and looked down at him, my eyes skimming his skinny limbs. Bandages wrapped around his forearms, intriguing me more then expected. I had seen his arms like this before and I could probably guess what was under them. Sorrow filled my heart as I reached towards his arms and unwrapped the beige colored clothe. 

Cuts and gashes ran up and down his arm, some looking as fresh as a few days old and some turning to scars. I could feel as the bridge of my nose started to burn and tears appeared in my eyes. I quickly re-wrapped his arm and turned away from the young boy, putting my face in my hands and shaking my head. That's exactly what he was, a young boy. Too young. 

I didn't let my tears fall. I wouldn't.

I got up from the bed and walked out of the room at that point. I couldn't take being in the same room as him at that moment. 

The next day I had tried to talk to him about what had happened, but I'm not good at this type of thing- being... so... caring and what not- but I tried, and he didn't want to talk about it, so I respected his boundaries. I hope that was the right thing to do. In that process I saw what I would say were hickies on Eren's thighs. I didn't say anything at the time but they really just confirmed for me on what happened. 

Now here we are, me sitting in bed with thoughts and questions and sadness. 

Ever since I had found out a month ago that Eren's father wasn't a respectable doctor with a respectable background and son but was actually a disgusting fiend that came from the bowls of hell, I couldn't seem to get it out of my head. My friends had even noticed that I wasn't in the right mind set. I found myself staring off into space a lot more and it was getting difficult to pay attention in classes. My mind has been completely absorbed in just that. 

Apparently they had contained Grisha as soon as he had came back from his trip and were keeping him in jail until his court hearing. They asked that Eren would be there but I strongly objected. They said they couldn't continue without him there (I call bullshit), and I begrudgingly agreed. The hearing is scheduled for June and until then Grisha would stay contained. 

The whole situation made my blood boil. For years,  _years_ , Grisha had put Eren though what I could only assume was literal Hell. When Eren was answering the police and detective's questions, all I could do was sit there and try not to punch myself in the face repeatedly. I couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe that the man that I thought was truly great had been so despicable. That something so terrible had been happening under my nose for oh so long. That the innocent child that I had been watching had actually had his innocence taken long, long ago. 

I took a deep breath and held it for a second before releasing. I didn't want to be in a sour mood right now. I actually wanted to talk to Eren, I have for a while now. Not about what had happened with his dad, I would hear all about that when the hearing happens, at the moment I just wanted to talk to him in general. He has been here for a while now and I haven't had the chance to talk to him because I've been so busy with school and work and dealing with the police. He probably feels like shit. No, I  _know_  he feels like shit, and in turn I feel like shit for not doing anything about it. He really seems to enjoy spending time with me although I have no idea why. Probably because I'm nice to him or something. If I was being honest, I do have a sweet spot for him. He's the only person I know of you'll ever catch me smiling at or for. I've been taking care of him for so long I just feel stupidly protective over him. 

I rolled onto my back and sat up, finally getting to my feet and going out to the living room where I knew Erwin was. I folded onto the back of the couch and groaned at him. When he didnt answer me I groaned again but a bit louder. He sighed and looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"If this is about who I think it's about then you should just go talk to him. He obviously likes you." He said to me. I had my face planted in the couch cushions but I looked up to side eye him.

"But he's like, a tween, he probably wont wanna talk." I said, muffled by the pillows.

He rolled his eyes and looked back to his book. "Do whatever," He sighed. I sat there, suffocating my self with the couch while I decided if I really wanted to deal with an angsty tween at the moment. I mean, it was just Eren. He almost always complied but I didn't know if that was because he really wanted to or  I grunted and rolled off the couch, padding over to Eren's door. I raised my hand to knock but before I had the chance to the door swung open and a very tired looking Eren was looking down at me.  I lowered my fist and made a face at him.

"Hey," I said while trying to keep my face neutral.

"Holaa," He said, his voice sounded grainy and hoarse. I pursed my lips to the side and glanced away for a second. 

"So like, do you wanna hang out, or," I carried out my words, making myself sound way more awkward then necessary. Why I was being so weird about it, you tell me. I looked back up to his face to see a small smile gracing his face, suddenly making him seem 20 shades brighter then before. 

"Sure, what are we doing?" He asked. I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding and leaned on the door way.

"Well, we could make some food and watch some movies. All your pick." I said as nonchalantly as I could. He smiled and nodded his head, going back into his room to grab his phone before coming back out and following me into the kitchen. 

"Sooo, do you wanna make home made pasta and red sauce with cheese filled deep fried chicken," I said, walking to the fridge and looking inside for eggs, "oooooor would you rather just make some craft mac and cheese and call it a day?" I asked. I looked over my shoulder at him to catch him stifling a laugh. I let a small smirk play on my lips before wiping it off when I looked back to the fridge. 

"The former please and thanks," he said with a smile in his voice. I hummed, already getting out the ingredients before he even answered. I had made this for him one night when his dad was gone for the weekend and he had needed a sitter kinda immediately. At the time it was really short notice and I was just using what was there and I knew that kids love deep friend stuff and it soon became his favorite meal in the whole entire multi-verse (according to 9 year old Eren). Eventually he asked me to make it again for his birthday and for Christmas and Easter and Halloween and any other holiday he knew of. 

I set the ingredients for the pasta out on the counter and let Eren get to work while I pulled out the chicken, trusting that he knew what he was doing. I grabbed some spices and other misc items we would need to make this while trying to make idle conversation with Eren. When I asked how school was he became suddenly distant and hesitant to answer. I dismissed the topic and we fell into a sort of uncomfortable silence while I chopped vegetables and he thinned the dough, uncommon for us. It stayed like this until Eren finally snapped out of his little dip in mood and asked how I was doing academically. I told him about how swamped I had been in every aspect of my life and that seemed to bring him back down. I glanced over at him as I threw the now diced tomatoes into the pan and stirred it, looking at the permanent frown that somehow engraved itself onto his face and frowned. He was such a smiley kid up until a month ago which is somewhat worrying to me. 

I continued to stir for a while before closing my eyes and sighing, placing the wooden spoon I had been holding down onto the counter and going over to Eren as he was placing out his ready to be cut dough. I placed my hand on his shoulder and made him turn around.  

"Eren," I started, looking him in the eyes, "I... I just want you to know that I'm- I'm here. For you. I am here in this moment and I will always be. You're- you're just a kid, and I... I hate that you of all people have to deal with the shittiest parts of life." I pursed my lips and let out a sigh through my nose. Eren looked down at my and gave a smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

"Thank you," he said, "for like-- for everything. Like ever." I took one last look at him before hesitantly patting his shoulder and nodding my head, turning my body towards the pasta that needed to be cut and rolled. I glanced over at the sauce and called in mister tall and handsome. Erwin came strolling into the kitchen with leisure, turning his head like a dog and crossing his arms. 

"Yes, your majesty?" he said sarcastically with a small smile. I rolled my eyes and finished the noodle I was on before turning to him and wiping my hands on a dish cloth.

"I need to continue making the red sauce, you could help Eren roll the pasta?" I turned my back on him while I made the statement. I wasn't really a request, more like a demand. Erwin hummed and washed his hands (damn right), getting right to work. Erwin knew how to make food, a lot of different kinds. His mother use to be a private chef and taught him a lot about almost everything she could in her free time. It was a blessing and a curse for me, he always felt the need to show off his skills in every situation he could to show me up. At the same time to that though, he was like my best friend and could cook great shit so I didn't complain much. He was the one to thank for all the spices and such that were in this kitchen so I didn't really  _want_ to complain much.

I started chopping more things up and adding sprinkles of this and that into the maroon colored liquid goodness that was under me. I could hear bits and pieces of a conversation going on with my two pasta rollers and I nodded. I wanted them to get along and become friends. They are both really high up on my scale of people that I care about and I would feel almost accomplished if they were to hold literally any type of positive relationship. 

Eventually I was done with the sauce and the pasta rolling was coming to a close. I peeked around the large bodies to see that it was all almost done. I nodded my head and pulled the chicken out of the refrigerator along with cheese, setting the two on the counter and getting oil from the cabinet to heat up. Eren soon presented me with the pasta so I thanked him and poured it into my now boiling water. I threw the chicken onto a hot pan and let the strips cook. I turned and looked at the pair and was about to say something when Erwin interrupted.

"Ah, well, look at the time, I need to catch up on some homework for tomorrow so I'll see ya later." He said, waving at us before disappearing into his room. Eren and I murmured our good nights and before long it was just me and him standing there, looking at each other. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and turned on a song from one of my many playlists. I placed the phone on the counter and crossed my arms, leaning back on the marble and closing my eyes. I slowly found myself humming the tune of the song. 

 "You listen to Ollie?" Eren asked. I nodded and cracked one of my eyes open to look at him. 

"Yeah, he's good." I mumbled. I opened my eyes and watched Eren as he pulled out his phone and fiddled with it. 

"I like him too. People usually think he's lame because his musics slow or whatever but I find it calming." He said, not looking up from his phone. [(X)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aTNoZihD7Q&start_radio=1&list=RD4aTNoZihD7Q)

 _  Could've been one lonely night just like all the others-- but you lit up my life-- this is what it's like to be lovers.. _ **  
**

I looked him up and down, watching his eyes move across the screen and his face morph with different emotions every other minute. He was so expressive about his emotions. You'd have to be an idiot to not be able to tell what he was thinking. 

_  You and me need never be lonely again-- spin with me endlessly or at least until the end. Please- never fall in love again..  _

Or maybe I've just known him so long that I can tell better then other people? I could tell something was upsetting him for the past forever and a half. I just didn't know if there was something I could do to help. 

_ Oh, please, never fall in love again.. _

I also didn't know what specifically it was he was upset about. I'm sure that years of abuse would cause some type of troubles in your day to day life. Maybe he really was fighting with Jean at school and he just hasn't told me... or maybe... 

_  And if some other guy catches your eye-- please just text me your goodbye --you know i don't look pretty when i cry. _

What if he was going out with someone...? No, no. First of all, he's in middle school, those relationships don't last and they end bad. And plus I'm not sure he would want to date or even like anyone. He's been put through so much, does his brain even have enough room to worry about other people? 

_  And i don't want that to be your final glimpse of me -baby- but if you could please return my shrek dvds maybe... _

I sighed and chewed on my lip out of habit. My eyes skimmed up and down his face with ease and just like that night back at Hanji's- I actually looked at him. He was very cute, his facial structure was almost perfect and his eyes seemed to fucking glow. 

_ Please... Never fall in love again.  _

If he was a few years older I bet he would being getting as much or even more ass then Elvis. Hell, if he was older and I hadn't known him since he was 4  _I'd_  ask him out. 

_ Oh, please. Never fall in love again.  _

Yeah, if only. 

I heard a ding from the timer I had set and turned around, taking the strips of chicken off the pan and setting on the the plates I had set out. I stirred the pasta one before grabbing one out and chewing it. Once I deemed it ready I strained and plated it, pouring the sauce I had made over it. I could feel Eren's eyes watching my every move. I picked up his plate once I finished and handed it to him. He thanked me quietly and went to sit at the table. 

"We can eat in my room if you promise on your fucking life not to get any of this shit on any _-any-_ surface in my room." I said, grabbing some forks from the drawer with a small smile on my face that I let show through my voice. Eren hummed behind me and shuffled out of the kitchen to my room. He seemed almost hesitant to go in which I found rather strange. I grabbed a water bottle as well and walked after him, shutting the door behind me. Eren was kinda just standing in the middle of the room looking around, probably looking for a place to eat with the least amount of chance of spilling. 

"Ya wanna just eat on the ground then move to the bed later?" I asked, hoping to make him more comfortable. He glanced at me and nodded, turning away to look at the ground. I raised an eyebrow for a second before rolling my eyes and placing my plate on the ground and going to look at movies.

"So, what do you wanna watch? I have basically every Studio Ghibli movie you could think of." I opened one of the drawers on my desk and pulled out a case of movie discs and handed it to him. He took it and looked through the collection. 

In the end we ended up watching 4 movies and polishing off our plates. After I came back from washing the plates I found Eren fast asleep in my bed. I could feel how my eyelids pulling themselves down and could almost feel the warmth of the sheets pulling me into the bed. I stood there for a second before giving in and getting under the covers, turning my back towards the sleeping kid that was right next to me. 

 _Pull yourself together, this is Eren. Don't_ think _about it that way. Perv._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOA, an update that didnt take fucking months? Wild. I really wanna write more of this story before summer ends but we already know ill probably only get out a chapter or two. Anyway, love you the mostest ever see ya next chapter <3


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